


you're really something

by haikquu



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Planet, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, POV Lance (Voltron), Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Teen Rating for swearing, VERY self indulgent meaning very lance indulgent, a bit of a depression mood but .. eh, basically somewhere in the middle/near the start of season 7, before that lightning storm thing idk, but like canon divergent, they get stranded on a deserted planet....heh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-16 09:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16951704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikquu/pseuds/haikquu
Summary: What the fuck. It was just Lance’s luck to be stuck on some deserted planet in the middle of god knows where, and still be haunted by Keith.Maybe this was just his karma. He was dead and as some cosmic joke, the angel guiding him to death carried the face of one of his life's greatest torments. Yeah, that's what this was a fucking prank. That's why it all felt so real, Keith’s warm hand on his face gently shaking him, his hot breath tickling his skin as he said his name over and over again, the vivid panic in his eyes. Huh.“Are you an Angel?” Lance croaked out.The Keith-like thing froze, then relaxed it’s grip on Lance, letting out a shaky laugh. “Attempting a pick-up line? Glad to know you’ve still got a few functioning brain-cells.”or alternatively; keith and lance are stuck on a planet with nothing but time to kill and issues to resolve. oh boy.





	you're really something

**Author's Note:**

> hi. so its been a while. months 2 be exact. heh. let me start off by saying..... wow i never expected my last fic to take off like that? 12000 hits????? holy shit thank u anyone who read it! i still cant believe all the nice comments i got it makes me so happy (((: but it made writing this a lot harder than it should've been. like, a lot harder.
> 
> this fic is a bit of a ...... depression mood. i really wasnt happy writing this lol and im still not at all happy with it but i want to get better, and the best way to do that is through experience so . here . i just had so many feelings after s7, and felt so.... almost betrayed by the writing that i just had to process it through a fic. consequently its a little one sided, very klance focused, and verrrrry self indulgent. voltron died after s3 anyways so what even in canon
> 
> also very Lance indulgent because i love lance. this is just the fic i needed to write for me, to kind of process the bullshit of the seasons so far. like??? no one talks about things in the show??? so this fic is just them talking about things. a lot. 
> 
> essentially its just a niche fic to explore a bit of Lance's feelings about himself as a paladin, a bit about Keith's feelings towards the team and obvi their feelings for each other. this some klance shit. like its long (sorry lol) but it still doesnt cover the entire cesspool of shit that is veeeldee. 
> 
> disclaimer i dont know science and stuff. i just fucked around w emergency aid & physics but this is escapism not realism so u do what u gotta do.

Space had always excited Lance, _enthralled_ him. Ever since he was young he had longed to be out in the stars, face to face with the universe. He’d dreamed of the sights he’d see, the adventures he’d undertake, and the wonders he’d explore. It was all he’d ever wished for.

Lance hadn’t really _wanted_ anything in his life as much as he’d wanted this. It was the desire to make his dream a reality that had fueled him for years. He’d worked harder for it than anything else, studying and training to get into the elite garrison program and then working harder to earn his place there.

His dream had always seemed so far away. He’d been barely able to get into the Garrison, barely able to make it into fighter class, the latter of which was pure luck. But he’d wanted it so _bad_ that he’d stopped questioning it, instead leaping on any opportunity he could to make his dream come true.

Lance had always wanted to be a fighter pilot, to protect and represent the earth. But if he’d learnt anything over the past year, it was that wishes were nothing but selfish. He’d wanted it _so bad_ , and now he was learning the costs to that wish.

So here he was, a paladin of Voltron. Defender of the universe. Barely legal, barely into his pilot training and somehow wielding the deadliest weapon in the universe. Surely, _surely_ the universe could’ve picked better than a couple of kids. But he’d just wanted it so _bad._ Always wanted to be the hero.

Some hero he was now. They’d lost the castle and the rest of the universe was convinced they’d abandoned them. Not to mention, lord only _knows_ how much damage the universe must have suffered through while they were out.

It had been a few days now since they’d left for Earth, a journey which would have taken mere seconds with the castle of lions now looking like it would take _weeks,_ even with the speed of their lions.

It was slow. So unbearingly slow. The last couple of months had been something of a headrush, fight after fight, new enemies and problems emerging one after the other with next to no space for the paladins to breathe.

And then suddenly quiet. It was just Lance in his lion surrounded by nothing but a black canvas dotted with the stars he’d always wanted to be a part of.

Lance could recall his first time out in space with Blue, the light years that had been travelled in seconds that made him think anything was possible. It had felt like a dream in itself, and he supposed he’d been living out one ever since that day. Lance missed her, missed talking to her. Missed talking at all, really.

It wasn't a reassuring quiet he was in but rather a gnawing one, the type that silenced the world around him and in place gave voice to all his anxieties and fears.

The team had split up in the lions: the ‘wolf’ and Krolia in Black with Keith, Coran with Allura in Blue and Shiro in Yellow with Hunk. Pidge had sent a word out to Matt about their plans and was holding out on him possibly joining later too. That just left Lance, alone. He wasn’t really _alone_ per se, he had Red of course, but even an ancient space cat entity needed its downtime and that meant more long hours of silence alone with his thoughts.

Needless to say, there was a lot to think about.

Most importantly, he was finally going home, but for some reason it didn’t quite feel like it. It was funny how in such a short time the castle of lions had become a home for Lance, and now his heart panged at the absence. Or, perhaps it wasn't such a short time. Time as Lance had known it on Earth didn't work the same way out here. It must have been months, sure, but how many? A years worth? More? He was pretty sure his birthday had passed. His 18th.

He wondered if his family had celebrated it back on earth. Wondered if it was before they'd gotten his message from Mr. Holt… when they must have thought he was _dead_.

He had died, after all.

_Stop, stop, stop._

Lance shook his head hard to clear the thoughts from his mind. Now wasn't the time for this.

However, he looked back at his surroundings, the vast unmoving specks of light scattered in the darkness and sighed. It wasn't as though he was really doing anything else either. Maybe he should indulge himself in his darkening thoughts, engage and immerse thoroughly. It would give him something to do at the very least.

He’d longed to go back home these last few weeks, yearned for it more than anything else in his life. But as time passed, a small cloud of dread had begun to grow in his gut, twisting and lurching. Everyone else seemed to buzz with excitement, even _Keith_ who he was sure would’ve put up some sort of protest at leaving the front lines.

_“You must be delighted, Lance!” Allura said as they begin packing supplies into their ships. They’d pit-stopped on the planet Balmera after doing a few rounds to the other closest member planets of the alliance, informing them of Lotor’s defeat and their current mission._

_Allura and Coran had been talking to the Balmerans about the chance of another cruiser-grade crystal growing soon and everyone else was taking the time off to catch Shiro up. It was lucky that Hunk got the chance to say goodbye to his friend too._

_Lance shot her a wide beaming grin in response. “You have no idea! I’ve been dreaming about this for months -- literally! You’ll love Earth, Princess: buildings and oceans and mountains all together like no other planet I’ve seen so far. Also, without a doubt, best street food in the universe. No competition.”_

_“I’m sure I will.” She smiled before excusing herself to go find Coran. As soon as she turned her back, Lance let his smile fall._

_Earth. He_ had _been dreaming about it for months, so often so that sometimes he wondered if he’d only ever be able to see it_ _in_ _his dreams. He should be excited,_ elated _at his dream becoming reality, but he hadn’t had the best experience with that concept._

_“You look like a kicked puppy,” Lance jumped in surprise to see Keith in front of him, box held out in front of him and eyebrows raised in question. “You alright?”_

_“Yeah, I’m great!” Lance said with a grin, picking himself up quickly._

_Keith relaxed his face a little but his eyes still seemed to be searching Lance’s. “You must be excited to get back.” He said after a while._

_“Absolutely thrilled. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more than this.” Lance replied, and it was almost true. There was an underlying sense of anxiety but for now Lance could squash it easily. He was going home and that was all that mattered._

_“Yeah, me too.” Keith said, a small smile on his face._

_Lance’s face slacked for a second in surprise at the sincerity in Keith’s expression. He smiled back a little sheepishly, eyes holding Keith’s. He could almost feel Keith’s excitement, as subtle as it was but genuine._

_“I dunno.” Keith continued, eyes focused on the ground. “A couple months ago… I wouldn’t have been that excited… I suppose… but now,” Keith looked up and Lance almost audibly gasped at the beaming smile on his face. “I kind of can’t wait.”_

_“Yeah,” Lance managed to choke out after a few seconds. “Me… too…”_

He’d been able to qualm his rising dread back then but now the anxiety bubbled inside him like relentlessly.

It wasn't as if he could talk to anyone else about it. Pidge and Hunk were both buzzed to see their families after so long, not to mention to start working on the new castle too which they’d both been busy discussing for days. Allura and Coran had been busy with Romelle trying to understand what had happened to their people over the last thousands of years. Everyone had so much joy and hope, Lance didn't have it in him to bring them down.

Even Shiro had been rather busy with catching up on what he’d missed (and no doubt beating himself over it). Krolia... was fucking terrifying and the space ‘wolf’ was, well, a space ‘wolf’. And Keith… Keith had spent two years in some void in the middle of nowhere and returned as almost a completely different person. A taller, older person who Lance almost didn't even recognise.

All in all, Lance didn't have anyone to talk to and that left his thoughts to boil, rising and expanding until they were almost too much to bear. But he didn't have any way to let them all out; all he could do nowadays was just entertain them and get lost in his headspace.

That had been new. Lance had never had issues with his outlook before, he’d always been the type to find something to carry him on through in even the worst of situations, but lately everything felt so dull and he just couldn't break out of it. He’d been feeling… _off_ to put it lightly, not quite like himself. Earlier things had been moving too fast to really have time to dwell but now things were stagnant and reality was catching up with the dream he’d thought he’d been in. Now he just felt numb, disconnected. Both too in his head and outside his body to be fully in the moment at a given time.

The others were currently talking over the comms, but he was having trouble tuning in. From what he could gather, Pidge had somehow goaded everyone else into playing a game of ‘I spy’ (even _Keith_ ) and was somehow winning. Lance had been quiet and no one seemed to have noticed, thankfully. He didn’t quite _get_ the point of a game like this given their current situation blanketed by the same never-changing black and white.

 _“I spy with my little eye…”_ Keith’s voice came over the comms. _“something beginning with ‘S’.”_

 _“Let me guess, space?”_ Pidge said, voice dripping in sarcasm.

_“Oh, I really didn't think you’d get it that fast.”_

_“Keith, what the fuck.”_ Pidge deadpanned, followed by multiple snickers through the comms.

 _“I thought it would be so obvious that no one would try!”_ Keith protested, followed by everyone’s laughter.

Yeah, he didn’t get it. Everyone else seemed so nonchalant, so content almost. Everyone except Lance and he didn’t fucking get it. They’d been through so much, _so_ much over these last few months, years or whatever. So much loss. And for what? It felt like they were all the way back at square one.  

No one else seemed to be bothered though. Only Lance. And, boy, was he bothered. Most times he just felt numb, ambivalent, but sometimes he’d feel this burning red hot anger. This all-consuming rage and bitterness that clouded his mind and drowned out everything else. But just as quickly as it would swell up, it subsided leaving him feeling nothing but guilty and sick.

After all, he wasn't the only one who’d made sacrifices; how selfish did he have to be to feel this way? Everyone else was fine, only Lance was the one making a big deal out of nothing. Only Lance was the one out of place.

_“Team Voltron, come in.”_

Shiro’s voice blasted through the comms, startling Lance in his seat. He quickly pressed the button to get Shiro’s video feed up, taking a deep breath before turning his own on with a bright smile.

“Everyone good?” Shiro asked, peeking over Hunk’s shoulders to get a better view.

“Good as can be, Cap.” Lance grinned.

“Oh, haven’t heard your voice in a while.” Keith commented, eyes narrowed in on Lance. Lance faltered slightly in surprise but regained his cheer.

“Aw, miss me, mullet?” He teased. He could see Keith on the black lion’s screen next to Yellow’s on the monitor, his eyes still narrowed, and felt his heart race.

“Shut up.” Keith muttered, looking away and Lance relaxed.

“Well, if you two are done,” Pidge’s screen enlarged in front of Lance, a vision of Pidge rolling her eyes with her legs over the arm rest of her chair. “We’ll soon be entering that small field of energy that I’d mentioned a few days ago. We’ll likely face some issues with our comms but that should be all. Just follow my flight path, okay?”

Everyone chorused their answers and Lance took that as answer enough for himself too.

“So, is everyone feeling okay?” Shiro’s voice came through again. Lance heard a few of the other paladins groan. He chuckled under his breath. Shiro had been a little bit on everyone's backs recently, but Lance didn't mind too much. He knew it helped Shiro feel more comfortable.

He leaned back in his seat, letting the chatter of Shiro’s nagging (most of which, quite wonderfully, was directed at Keith) fade into comfortable background noise, enjoying the sound of just _anything_ other than dead space.

“Okay!” Pidge shouted through the comms causing Lance to jump upright. He sighed before resuming his grip on his lion’s controls. “We’re entering it now, guys. Remember, just follow me. There’s a lot of random debris and I have no idea what this radiation slash energy signature is; we can’t risk it. We’ll be safe as long as you stay on my path.”

Suddenly, there was a flash of light and Lance felt his lion get throttled forward. He shouted in surprise as he was pushed to the front of his seat, the force of the blast catching him completely off-guard. He heard similar shouts through the comms. He scrambled to regain control of Red’s movement and spun around to see what had hit him. He saw another blast of light coming his way and quickly flew to the side, narrowly escaping its path.

“Lance!” He startled as he heard Keith shout, the black lion pulling up in front of him. “Are you okay?”

Lance groaned in response, shaking his head to recover from the impact of the blast. “Yeah, uh, I’m good-”

“Uh guys, what the _hell_ was that?!” Hunk shouted, flying to come up at Red’s other side.

Lance felt a steady unease growing as Black withdrew from his front, slowly revealing the view outside. Lances stomach dropped, eyes widening in horror. From all around them, as if appearing from thin air, were the familiar dark grey and purple battleships, the closest ones Lance could see with their cannons aimed and ready in their direction.

“Oh no,” he heard Allura’s voice tinged with fear. It sent a chill down his spine. “Everyone, we have to move!”

He was frozen as all his eyes were fixed on the scene in front of him.

“Lance, watch out!” He heard Keith shout out, loud enough to snap him back to focus and dodge a blast at the last minute. The others, including Keith now, were too preoccupied to dwell on it. Fuck, he had to get it together. What kind of paladin was he if he couldn't even pay attention?

He turned to attack when another large blast flashed at him knocking him off-course. _Fuck fuck fuck._ Why did he keep fucking up something so simple?

“Shit, there are too many of them! How’d they get past our sensors?” Pidge hissed, pulling her lion back to dodge more blasts. Lance could see the other lions rear back too and turned around quickly to face the enemy. His eyes widened as he surveyed his surroundings. Fleets kept multiplying, more and more ships and this time they didn’t have the castle to get away. This could be the end. They’d been through so much, _so much_ , and they were _almost_ back home… all for it to just end here.

 _“Evasive manoeuvres!”_ He heard Keith’s voice shout again through the comms. It sounded so desperate, but also so determined. Right, it didn't matter why he was here, just that he was and that meant he had to _fucking_ focus.

He began dodging and weaving through various blasts and ships, firing back as much as he could. There was a large ship, one of the largest in this fleet probably, especially close to him. He saw it charge up and suddenly a large beam came at him, much larger and brighter than the rest. He dodged it narrowly, spinning around to watch as it collided with part of its own fleet, feeling triumphant only to be brought down from his high by the sound of screams from his teammates as Galra ships exploded upon the blast, debris hurtling at all angles.

He turned to see even more ships emerging, a menacing tide wave of eerie purple lights and fighter jets all armed and deadly. Lance gulped, fear suddenly striking him. They didn’t have the castle of lions like before. And they’d never tried to form Voltron before with so many extra people and cargo. _What could they do--_

“Paladins -- stay with me!” Keith’s voice came up again, cracking slightly in desperation.  

A flash caught Lance’s attention. One of the larger ships suddenly exploded, splitting into a multitude of large parts that hurtled and collided with other nearby vessels. A movement revealed the black lion manoeuvring smoothly through various blasts and attacks. He felt a bit of his confidence resurge watching Keith fighting and pulled back his thrusters to follow suit, heading for the fleet right next to the rubble bouncing around and using it as shields.

Everything around him was a mess of rubble and light, explosions left and right and never-ending icy blasts coming in from every angle. He couldn't hear too much of the outside thankfully, but he _could_ hear the shrieks and groans from his teammates through their comms and that sent a chill down his spine. He hadn't seen anyone in this last few minutes apart from Keith, but it was taking all of his focus not to get hit.

“You guys,” Pidge’s voice came up, out of breath but still there. Lance sighed in relief. “We have a problem. One of the large ships got? is heading straight into an extremely concentrated patch of that energy and it’s about to blow. We need to neutralise it _fast_ or else who knows what damage the blasts will cause.”

“And we can’t even wormhole away.” Coran muttered. “Wait-- Allura! Where are we going?!”

Lance spun around to see the blue lion speeding forwards towards a battleship.

“My ice beam -- I’m the only one. I have to try!” She shouted back.

The rest of the team made similar protests to stop her, everyone speeding forwards but Allura had already reached, her ice beam activated.

“It’s worth a try but _don’t_ get any closer, Princess!” Pidge said. “Please, it’s too dangerous.”

They waited a few seconds around the blue lion, the light from the ice beam reflecting an eerie glow. The Galra ships had started disappearing few by few with the same speed that they’d appeared leaving behind only carnage. It should have made Lance feel relieve but it just filled him with more dread to know that even their enemies wouldn't stick around for this.

“It’s… not working.” Allura said, voice quiet with despair. “I-- I can’t do anything! Maybe if I go closer-- AH!” Lance watched in shock as Blue got hit by a powerful blast, spinning for a few seconds before regaining balance. “Keith!”

“No.” Keith said sternly, voice low and seething. “None of you are recklessly risking your lives like this.”

 _Yeah_ , Lance scoffed to himself. _None of us but you._

He could hear it in Keith’s voice, see it in the way he had his lion _always_ positioned to dash in at a moment’s notice. Reckless was practically Keith’s name. Keith was always the first to throw himself into danger’s way, the first to risk his life and never think through the consequences. Lance had never understood it. He’d been on the receiving end of watching his teammate hurtle himself through death’s door too many times to understand it.

He didn’t know why but it made him so angry, so… _furious_. There was no way he was letting Keith get away with trying something like that again.

“Is there any way to stop it?” Shiro asked.

“I… I don’t know,” Hunk said, concern and anxiety dripping from his tone. It made Lance squirm, the bubbling guilt in his stomach rising to something more suffocating. “It’s so close to the energy field, I don’t know what we can do in time.”

What was _he_ doing while everyone was trying to figure it out? What could he even do though? Crack a joke? He couldn’t think of a way to move that giant ship, he didn't have the creativity or knowledge to know how to be useful. He couldn't do anything to stop it at all.

Maybe… they didn’t need to. _Maybe… maybe if we could blow it up before it got there._

“Yeah, maybe,” Pidge commented, before coughing loudly. “Wait-- no! _Lance!”_

Lance had the fastest lion. He was the only one with the slightest chance of making it.

Even if he didn’t, they always had another Red paladin. Lance had already died once, he wasn't afraid of doing it again.

“Lance, _no._ ” Keith said, voice deep in almost a growl. Lance hadn’t realised he’d said any of that out loud, but it didn’t matter. _“Don’t you dare-!”_

Lance sped forward, barely noticing his teammates’ cries as he overtook them all. Within a few seconds, he was at the battleship. He aimed his cannon to fire straight at it.

“Lance! Slow down-- you-- you _guys_ , come back! It’s already too-” Pidge’s voice cut off abruptly. Lance fired.

Everything went up in flames. He watched the ship explode, but he didn’t hear any of it. The light from the explosion was bright, too bright. It went from a red to a yellow to a white, spreading around his entire lion, blinding them both.

Lance reached forward to turn his controllers to slow down when suddenly the lights inside his lion flickered out, and he stopped abruptly, frozen in a field of white light.

He had to squint to be able to keep his eyes open at all, trying to see any of the control board in front of him. _Fuck_. He closed his eyes and smashed various buttons in desperation, pulling the same lever forward and back.

Suddenly, everything went dark. Lance opened his eyes hesitantly to find everything black. No stars, no lions, just darkness. Lance could feel his heartbeat accelerating rapidly, feel the air suddenly getting too tight in his lungs as he struggled to process his surroundings.

He had no time to recover. A force of some sort hit his lion and he was propelled backwards backwards, flying out of control in some sort of direction.

“Red! Where are you!” He shouted at his lion, panicking. “Come on, _come on_!”

He felt the lion's angle change and felt them picking up speed. He almost relaxed for a moment before he realised something was very wrong.

He was falling, and fast. A ball of light appeared in front of him, growing in size rapidly. A… planet! And he was falling straight into it. His lion kept picking up speed rapidly, the planet getting closer and closer, right underneath him.

“Oh god-- guys! Can anyone hear me!” He shouted into his helmet but there was no response.

The last thing he’d heard was them telling him to stop, _yelling_ at him as he flew straight into the ship. _Fuck._ They’d told him not to go but he hadn’t listened. How would they get home without him- without Red? The universe needed Voltron. _What had he done_?

Red shook viciously. Lance hissed out loud as he felt the controls he’d been holding onto get hot, burning against his hands.

_Shit shit shit._

He sat frozen in the seat in the cockpit unable to do anything as he plummeted down. The grey clouds in the atmosphere melted into harsh purples and blues, almost neon in nature until everything became a harsh lime green that became an even harsher white as he picked up speed. Everything was suddenly too loud, from the colours to the wretched screeching that had started up ever since he’d started falling.

Lance thought it might be the lion. His throat felt hoarse. Lance realised it was probably him.

Lance braced himself as best he could. Did his best not to think about his mistake, and how the other’s would possibly survive. Maybe it was best that it was him, not Allura, and certainly not Keith. They had more red paladins, but the others were irreplaceable.

He did his best not to think about how he sort of did understand Keith’s desire to sacrifice himself by recklessly putting himself in danger. _Better me than them._

Then, he crashed.

 

* * *

 

It was hot, _excruciatingly_ hot. Every limb on Lance’s body felt like it was on fire, a burning spreading upwards throughout his system. But he couldn't move. Everything was on fire but he was frozen in the midst of it all. And then just as it all felt like too much, it faded to nothing. Suddenly, it was cold.

There was a faint rumbling, almost akin to a growling, rising in volume from somewhere nearby. Lance crinkled his face at the sound, the intrusion to his sleep most unwelcome. It died down and he relaxed again, slowly resuming his drift off into sleep when a loud roar shook the room, ricocheting in his head and causing him to jump with a start.

“Red!” He gasped in realisation. He opened his eyes wide in surprise but immediately shut them as he was greeted with painful white light. He had to blink quite a few times to readjust to the brightness after hours of them closed. As he waited for his eyes to fully re-adjust, he lay still, supporting his weight on his elbows. He strained to sit up but couldn’t move his legs yet. What… was going on? Where _was_ he?

Lance continued to lie back against the floor, the cold metal floor against his nape making him shiver throughout his body. Slowly he could begin to make out the familiar layout of his lion except everything was dark; entirely powered down, none of the red and white glow Red always shone with.

He could feel a tingling starting up in his legs and tried to sit up again, moving his legs slightly to shake them awake. As feeling slowly returned to him, he hissed loudly, sharp stinging sensations starting up all throughout his body. His legs ached beyond belief and his arms felt like lead as he lifted them to rub his eyes. He tried to stand up but his limbs were still too stiff and heavy and he fell back to the ground.

The room starting spinning. “Agh!” Lance groaned, burying his head in his hands. “What in the world is going on?” He could feel his heart rate pick up, the familiar feeling of fear rising within him.

After a few moments of trying to calm himself down, he lifted his head up. The room slowly came to focus and his heart almost stopped at the sight.

Right, he’d crashed.

“How long have I been out?” He muttered to himself as he sat upright, looking tiredly at his surroundings. Great, what now? What did you even do right after crashing your space shuttle in some unknown territory in space with no power and no comms? It’s not like he’d ever received a crash course on this.

“Red? Are you still there?” He asked aloud. There was no answer.

Oh no… did he… _break_ his lion? That couldn’t be possible, right? Red was ancient Altean technology, built to survive and had survived much worse. There was no way he could have totally destroyed her with just a _crash._ Not even that big of a crash, after all, he still had all his bones in place and Red didn't seem that messed up from the inside so it couldn't have been _that_ bad.

But Pidge had said not to risk flying into the the energy. And there had been a huge explosion that had posed enough of a threat to scare the Galra away and require them to evacuate. He had no idea what he was dealing with but chances were whatever had happened was a lot more dangerous than it seemed. Did he actually manage destroy a part of the universe’s deadliest weapon? Their only hope for defending their worlds?

 _Fuck fuck fuck_. This was too much, this was all too much. Lance couldn't just sit here, he had to do something. He wasn't going to get anywhere by hypothesising over how he got here. He already knew how he got here; he was reckless and didn’t listen to his teammates. He had to get back to the others.

 _Shit,_ the others.

His mind raced with thoughts, the possible disastrous scenarios and images that rolled through his head. The blast… he hadn't been able to stop it, hell, he might have even made it worse. They must have been hit too… had they crashed somewhere like him? No… something had happened before he crashed. Everything had gone dark. All the stars and ships and debris… all of it had disappeared. He was somewhere else entirely and, that too, on his own.

He had Red, technically. Or he used to. He reached over to a nearby thruster, pulling at it. He winced with how easily it moved back and forth like some plastic toy. He walked closer over to the control panel, pressing random buttons. Nothing worked. He was beginning to panic a little. He kept pressing the buttons, desperation moving his fingers faster than he realised until he was flat out smashing his fists down on the dashboard, bringing them down with an anger he’d been beginning to get all too familiar with.

Okay, maybe he was panicking a lot. But he knows Red is still there.

He slammed down, _hard,_ one last time of the metal dashboard, panting over it as he slid his fists down. His hands were trembling slightly.

“Please Red… talk to me… what’s wrong?” He could barely force a whisper out, feeling a choking sob rising up the back of his throat as he lay they, forearms stinging on the deadened grey surface. _Please, Red._

He felt something foreign enter his mind and gasped out loud, something like a feather shifting around. He recognised it as a weak response, understood it without needing to hear words.

 _Time_.

He almost sobbed in relief. She wasn't gone completely. Red had been perfectly fine during the fight, the energy solely must have done something to her.

Oh god, the fight. Shit… what if the Galra came back? What if the others were out there right now fighting? What if they needed to form Voltron but couldn't… because of him...

“No, Red!” He yelled, jumping up from his seat. “We don't _have_ time! I have to get you back to the others! Please!”

No response. He felt the same anger as before, mixed in with fear and desperation resurface. His friends could be in danger because of _him_ . He smashed around on the controls again, pulling levers forwards and back with enough force to probably break them, just to get _something_. But there was nothing.

What was the point of being given the universe’s most deadly weapon if he couldn't do anything with it? He felt to the floor, anger subsiding leaving his exhausted, allowing waves of panic and anxiety to rush over him. He throat felt constricted and he was finding it harder to breathe.

He had to get back but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know what to do.

Why him? Why him in the first place? He just wanted to be a fighter pilot, not a paladin of Voltron. He was in way over his head and, because of that, everyone else was constantly suffering. He couldn't… he didn't know… he just…

 _Lance,_ _focus._ He heard Keith’s voice in his head.

_“Lance, no,” Keith voice came across almost akin to a growl through the comms. Lance could feel the threat in his tone, the burning intensity of Keith sending shivers down his spine. “Don’t you dare-”_

Was that one of the last things he’d hear? His last ever conversation with Keith? Oh god he was being way too dramatic, way too emotional. He had to focus.

(It was real rich coming from _him_.)

Although… Keith had been so different since he’d come back. He was just as dedicated as ever, maybe even more passionate and intense, yet somehow at the same time he’d mellowed out a bit. He was pragmatic, more… perceptive, not that he wasn’t before, but the Keith two years ago was nowhere near as keyed into the team as he was now.

Keith had told him not to go, warned him to not even _dare_.

Was it wrong that Lance had kind of enjoyed it? Had almost been relieved when everything went dark and he thought it would all be over? He almost understood why Keith did it so often. It was nice to just… let everything come to a close knowing your last action had helped your teammates, and not have to deal with anything anymore.

Lance felt sick in his stomach. _No,_ god that was such a gross way to think about it. That  wasn’t why Keith did it, that wasn't why anyone risked their life. Oh god, then why did he do this? Revenge? He couldn't ignore the memory of the anger he’d felt when he thought Keith was going to try something… the almost _relief_ when he’d gotten to it first.

Oh, god, _stop._ Everything kept coming back to Keith. He’d been gone for so long and in that time it was hard not to think about him, and _excusable_ to think about him. After all, he was a fellow teammate, risking his life in a way they couldn't comprehend. But now… he was just there with them. He was just Keith, except he wasn’t the Keith Lance knew, except he sort of was.

Keith had just been a _lot_ lately. It was hard for Lance to make himself stop thinking about him, especially with his last words now swimming around in his head.

_“Don’t you dare.”_

His breath caught in his throat. Right, focus. That's what Keith would do. Keith, always calmed down and pulled through. Even though he was usually only ever reckless and emotional in their team, when he had a goal in mind, those assets were what made him pull through.

He had to think this through carefully. What would the others do? What would Pidge do?

Probably mess around with the lion’s system, jumble around for some spare parts to improvise a communicator. But he couldn’t do that. _Think think think_. Pidge operated pragmatically, next… she would survey the surroundings.

It was like recently there was a line between him and his friend separating them, and the gap just kept getting wider. Lance took a deep breath. He slowly trudged around the small interior scavenging through the various compartments for anything of use. He found some rations and an emergency flashlight, thank _god_ alteans had invented flashlights. He winced in pain as he kept walking around, his muscles still in shock from the landing.

He felt lost. Helpless. He didn’t know what to do what to make of the situation.

He knew what Hunk would do, too. Whereas Pidge would retain her composure and work on finding a solution, Hunk would panic a little, and still find a solution. Yeah, that was more his style.

Although… recently… Hunk had changed. He wasn't the kind of guy to want to run and save himself, wasn't focused on only him and the immediate people around him. Now, he was compassionate and driven, often more level-headed than anyone else on the team at times. No, this Hunk would focus only on the task ahead and do everything he could to get back to help his team.

None of the others would panic, not like Lance.

But Lance wasn't an engineer, nor was he an Altean raised on this technology. Nor did he have tech of his own like Shiro or even half of the experience he’d had surviving on his own through his abduction, escaping countless times. 

Neither was Keith, though… now what would he do?

That stream of thought probably wouldn't be of much help either. Keith… had been through an insane amount too. Not only being literally stranded on a space whale for two years, but considered his experience with The Blade, and even before all this living alone in his shack… Keith really was something else. He would thrive in this environment.

Lance winced at his own line of thinking. It wasn’t like Keith chose to get stranded… he just… valued the mission above himself. He was just that strong, strong enough to get through anything. That's why he was the leader of Voltron, that's why he needed to be there for the team, not Lance. Why did it have to be Lance who got stuck down here? Anyone else and they'd be fine, anyone else and the universe would still have hope.

He sighed and fell back in his seat. Luckily nothing seemed to be broken and nothing in the ship seemed to be physically damaged. He just needed to wait it out, he supposed. Well, if he’d thought he had time before, now he really did.

He closed his eyes.

_“Wait-- no! Lance! Come back!”_

He jumped up with a start. It was almost as if Pidge had been there with him, her cries fresh in his mind. Pidge had sounded so _raw_ , so broken. Because of him.

No, he couldn't do this. He needed to get out.

His helmet was still on and the screen seemed to be working however the comms were dead, just like Red’s. _It’s okay, you’re a Paladin. Focus, keep thinking_. His suit seems to be working as well, as indicated by the faint blue glow.

He quickly grabbed his bayard, mentally preparing himself for leaving whatever small sanctuary Red provided. He remembered the colours he’d seen as he fell, the painfully bright and unnatural hues that almost hurt his eyes to look at. He took a deep breath and stepped outside.

The sight was another shock. The ground was a painful lime green colour, a sickeningly alien colour to lay the bed of any sort of lance. There were no buildings or indications of some sort of civilisation in sight. Lance sighed and set forward, determined to get a better understanding of his surroundings. Who knew how long he’d be out here, and if the other paladins even knew where he was. It was what he believed the others would do. And even if not, it was better than the alternative of being once again alone with his thoughts.

The ground was a horrifying mixture of solid and slimy, almost like large blocks of a grainy wax broken up by the occasional patch of something akin to slime. He tried not to physically gag at the texture. Red, luckily, seemed to be on a more solid patch. He crouched down to the ground, extending his gauntlet to try and scan the strange substance for it’s composition.

A list of elements popped up. _Equina-_ nope. None of this made any sense to him, it wasn't anything like he’s learned back in chemistry on Earth, he wasn't even sure if it was a language he’d encountered yet. Lance sighed audibly before standing back up. His suit didn't seem to be filtering the air, leaving Lance to presume it was breathable, but he didn’t want to risk taking his Helmet off irregardless.

He could use his jetpack to move faster, but he wasn't sure how much internal damage his suit had endured, or how long it would last without the lion’s power. He had no choice but to trek on forwards. As he trudged forwards, he felt the harsh reality of his situation sink in. He shouldn’t have tried to run off like that, to try be some sort of hero. As usual he just kept messing things up.

Now he was trapped, alone. Alone and holding onto to a part of the universe’s saviour. He knew the others would be looking for him… or at least for Red. He couldn't even begin to imagine the unnecessary trouble he’d be putting them through, the opportunity cost of their time wasted on him instead of the millions of suffering people around the universe. He could feel hot tears building up, running freely down his face, choking sobs convulsing his whole body.

He was just so pathetic, wasn’t he?

The team had been through worse, sure, hell Keith had been stuck for _two years_ in some fucking space void. They’d each been separated so often, stuck on planets hundreds of light years away. He’d even made it through being stranded on the frozen planet, saving Hunk and essentially an entire civilisation. _He_ had done _that_. Lance, had actually helped someone. But he hadn't done it alone. He’d never been alone, and he’d never had stakes quite like this.

There was still a war ongoing. They had been in a calm before the storm and Lance had just demolished their shelter.

They’d defeated Zarkon, even Lotor, but the empire still stood strong and there seemed to be an increase in problems especially with the discovery of more Alteans and the painfully apparent lack of solutions. The biggest colonising race in the _universe_ had just lost all sense of order. Chaos was about to break loose, and because of Lance, Voltron could do nothing to stop it.

 _Stop, stop thinking so much_. But, unfortunately, he had too much time now.

Lance could barely take a few hours of this. How had Keith survived two years?

They had talked about it only a little between them. Which was insane. If Lance had been in Keith’s shoes he wouldn’t be able to _stop_ talking. Every moment spent alone, every day stranded, would push down on him like a weight he just had to shake off. But Keith’s shoes were ones he could barely walk an hour in, let alone years. That’s why he was here, stranded, because of his own incompetence whereas had voluntarily risked his life for the mission.

Lance had felt angry when he thought Keith would try to risk his life again. But now he just felt sort of relieved that it wasn’t him. He would have hated for Keith to go through this again.

There was no sun but the sky was bright, a darker but equally uncomfortable hue of cyans and purples, unusual and alien. It put him on edge. The whole planet seemed eerily unnatural, visually loud but auditorily silent. All he heard was the occasional squelching of his feet when he stepped into the slime.

He traipsed alone slowly, feeling dust smear and sweat break out all over his body. He bet Keith wouldn't be sweating, he’d barely be out of breath.

_Stop thinking about Keith._

Lance had to _focus_.

Suddenly, the ground started shaking. Lance lost his footing and fell to his knees, sticking his rifle into the ground for balance as everything around him shook. There was a growing agitation in the air, a low rumble erupting from below him as if from the planets core itself. There was a moment of stillness, then a patch of slime nearby rose high up and, to Lance’s horror, dissipated into some kind of creature.

_Focus._

This battle, Lance didn’t hesitate. He held his rifle up and shot. Once, twice, thrice... the monster finally went down. Lance relaxed.

However as soon as he let his guard down, two more of them shot up.

_Fuck._

They were massive green creatures, each oozing and dripping the same lime green slime that decorated that planet's surface. They had this spongy, moist skin that almost absorbed each shot he made. They had no eyes but they had sharp teeth, clear almost like shards of glass haphazardly stuffed into their mouths. It took way too many shots to knock them down, each falling closer to Lance than the next.

Lance was tired, his muscles screaming but before he could ever lower his bayard another monster spring up.

This time the monster was too close for Lance to use his rifle, the creature’s breath heavy and nauseating in its proximity. Lance couldn't get a single shot at this angle, instead focusing all his energy in dodging the creature’s attack. He managed to avoid a few critical slashes before he slipped. He cursed himself as he fell to the ground, belly up and completely vulnerable. The creature followed his movement, bringing its its head down low, saliva dripping and burning dark patches into Lance’s armour.

He did his best to hold it off with his rifle, almost shoving it in the creature’s mouth in a last ditch attempt to choke it. He’d have laughed at the irony almost, how the scene looked like something out of a shitty Jurassic World action scene with the dinosaur impossibly close. Unfortunately, it didn't seemed like Lance would be able to survive this unscathed, if even at all.

Lance tried to dodge the monster’s arms but suddenly the ground shook again and another one emerged. Lance lost his footing. He screamed as he felt his foot mis-land, ankle twisting beneath him.

_Shit shit shit._

How did he get into situations like this? He’d been working so hard over the last few weeks to avoid this, avoid being the weakest link.

What would the others do?

Pidge and Hunk were too good to let a creature get this close and Shiro and Keith excelled at hand to hand combat. Hell, Keith even had two kickass swords that would probably aid better than Lance’s stupid gun. What was the point of being the team’s _sharpshooter_ when his gun did absolute fuck all on an enemy, and he couldn't even keep his dumb ass alive long enough to think of another solution.

 _Another solution_ . Come on, _think_ . He didn't have time to die, he was a paladin of Voltron and the universe still very much needed him. _What would the others do?_ Pidge and Hunk would probably think of something clever with their surroundings but Lance didn’t have that kind of skill. Shiro and Allura were both more quick on their feet and skilled in combat than Lance could ever be. And Keith… he was kind of unstoppable, a mix of all the above.

 _Keith_.

He could imagine Keith now in this situation, one blade fending the creature’s razor sharp teeth while in his other hand his sword-

 _Sword_. Of course! If he could just call upon that broadsword somehow, as he had in the training room, maybe just maybe he could get out of this.

 _Come on, come on, please._ He urged. This was his only hope, the only way he’d be able to survive. He had not other choice.

_Please, come on. I have to survive to get back to them._

He saw his bayard glow bright and almost cried out in relief as the rifle faded away. The relief then morphed quickly into absolute horror as he saw his bayard return to normal.

The creature, seemingly stunned by the light and morph, slipped slightly with the absence of the weapon pushing it back and Lance used this moment to get a few steps away and secure his grounding.

_I have to do this. I am a paladin of Voltron. I have to survive._

_They need me. I need to be stronger._

His bayard flashed again but the creature had already begun to make towards him. Not to waste another moment Lance lunged forward with the bayard, feeling it pierce and lodge within the creature. It let out a horrifying scream. Lance felt like his ears were bleeding.

He felt the bayard hit something hard like a bone. _Be stronger._ He pushed forward with all his might. He heard a sickening crack and then the creature stopped squirming.

He let out a deep breath, panting in order to regain his breath. He was tired and muddy, his armour littered with large blackened patches from where the creature had spit. Acid spit. _Of course._

He pulled the sword out. At first it wouldn't budge so he had to grab with both hands and pull. He tugged it out with a sharp scratching sound, like metal against asphalt and teetered atop the creature. There must've been a delayed nervous reaction as the creatures tail which was still mid air suddenly swung around. It hit him forcefully in his gut, knocking the air out of his lungs and hitting him sharp enough for him to almost feel the spikes through his armour. He screamed as he was knocked off the creature and hit the ground with a heavy thud and a snap.

He blinked a few times. Suddenly he couldn’t hear anymore. His vision went black.

He was probably going to die and no one would know. If anyone was around to even know. He was completely alone.

Is this what it was like for Keith? Alone. He had Krolia sure but they were both isolated alone on a rock with no way to contact anyone. They could have nearly been killed ten times over and no one would’ve known. Even the one thing keeping them going …. the mission… they could’ve died at any moment with none the wiser and the mission dead with them.

How did he do it? How did he do so much all the time? He couldn’t be human- well, he wasn’t completely. He couldn't be _real._

Keith couldn't be real. But anyhow it didn't matter as Lance’s breath slowed down, thoughts becoming more spaced out until there was nothing at all.

 

* * *

 

_There was a field. Lance was in the middle of it. All around him stretched out acres of green; olives and emeralds and clovers as far as his eyes could see. There was a strong breeze, forceful and it gripped each blade of grass tightly and shook it, as though desperately trying to yank it out. Then the wind took a turn and enclosed it’s fist around Lance, pushing and pulling his hair across his face. His hair covered his vision, spilling into his eyes stinging. Suddenly everything was black. Lance could feel hot tears streaming down his face, hair piercing deeper into his face._

_He could smell the sea, wet and salty in the air. The scent deepened, it got thicker and hotter until it mixed with something else, a heavy woody smoke._

_It wasn't the sea; he could smell something burning._

_His vision cleared. The field before was now a pool of red and blue, the stained blades of grass swimming and turning in waves, melting into each other. Melting into a burnt purple, then fading into black._

“Lance!”

_The world was shaking. He was shaking._

“ _Lance!_ Lance, wake up, _please_.”

Lance eyes sprung open and he took in a sharp breath, coldness biting his lungs. He slammed his eyes back shut as the sudden influx of light burned his eyes. Everything was a bright, _hot_ white.

It was as though he was waiting for his system to boot back up, each of his senses on a slow start up. His eyes were slowly recovering from the shock, hot white fading to a more palatable hue. His ears seemed to be switched on… he thought he could hear a bird, or something of the sort. His skin... he could _definitely_ feel something on his arms and another hard object under his back, gripping into his skin tight.

Wait… a grip?

He woke back up with a start, jumping and forcefully pushing whatever it was away from him. He heard a loud groan to his side followed by a soft thud. He tried to turn around to get a better look when a sharp coiling pain twisted through his leg and he collapsed back to the ground with a shriek, clutching the limb up into his chest.

“Shit, _Lance!_ ”

Oh, that voice _,_ he _knew_  that voice. But there was no way… was he still dreaming?

“Keith?” Lance gasped out, trying to sit up again before another hot flash of pain rocketed through his body causing him to scream out. There was no way it could be real, no way Keith could _actually_ be on this planet with him.

No, Lance had fucked up and ensured that he’d be stuck here alone.

“Shit, Lance, hold still!”

A figure came into Lance’s view, familiar pale skin and dark eyebrows furrowed in concern. Lance almost gasped at the surreality of the vision. That same white light from earlier had returned but this time it was a softer version, gently taking hold of the figure and embracing him in an angelic glow.

What the fuck. It was just Lance’s luck to be stuck on some deserted planet in the middle of god knows where, and still be haunted by Keith. Not that he made it any easier for himself. He’d been here for probably only a few hours and in that time all he’d really done was think about Keith.

Maybe this was just his karma. He was dead and as some cosmic joke, the angel guiding him to death carried the face of one of his life's greatest torments. Lance smiled to himself. Yeah, that's what this was, some sort of celestial joke, a fucking _prank_. That's why it all felt so real, Keith’s warm hand on his face gently shaking him, his hot breath tickling his skin as he said his name over and over again, the vivid panic in his eyes.

Huh.

“Are you an Angel?” Lance croaked out.

The Keith-like thing froze, then relaxed it’s grip on Lance, letting out a shaky laugh. “Attempting a pick-up line? Glad to know you’ve still got a few functioning brain-cells.”

Lance’s smile fell. He felt his body finish booting up and slowly come online, senses sharpening and adjusting to his surroundings, honing in on the situation. This was no angel. Lance let out a soft gasp as firm hands gripped him tighter and pulled him closer in.

Lance hissed in pain.

_“Keith.”_

“Shit, sorry, hold on tight, okay?” Keith said softly, concern dripping from his voice.

“Is it really you?” Lance asked in awe, voice slightly steadier than before.

Keith arms were firm under Lance, a sturdy comfort. He was definitely stronger than Lance remembered. He didn’t know why his mind was focusing in on it so much but… mmm... definitely stronger than the teenager Lance had known.

“What?” Keith blurted out. “Yeah, yeah of course it’s me.”

“Why are you here? _How_ are you here?” Lance questioned, his mind already beginning to race ahead with a million questions. He felt Keith tense up under him as Lance moved slightly in him hold.

Keith shouldn’t be here… no one else should. Lance had been so sure he was going to be here alone forever. And he’d been sort of okay with that, known he deserved it for risking everyone else's safety in the first place. But if Keith was here… despite having been so far away from the explosion…

Lance jumped with a start, desperately trying to sit up, surprising Keith and almost causing him to drop him. “Shit, did the explosion hit everyone else?! Have they all crashed!? We have to go help-”

“No, Lance.” Keith interrupted, firmly. Lance stilled, leaning back and looking at him puzzled. Keith sighed and continued. “It’s just us.”

“Oh, okay.” Lance said apprehensively, eyeing Keith slightly as he feel back against him, burying into his arms a little. _Just us_. He found Keith’s firm tone a little unsettling, but a part of him was grateful for the candour.

That was better than the alternative of them all being here but for some reason Lance was still unnerved by the situation. Keith shouldn’t be here. Lance had just been beginning to come to terms with his fate here alone. Sure the others still needed Red but Lance knew Red would be fine. She’d had other paladins before and would continue to have so; she didn’t need him. Even if he didn't make it, he was sure the lion would be able to get back to the others itself. But now that Keith was added to the equation… Lance didn't like it.

Keith, unlike Lance _had_ to make it back. He was their leader. Not only that, but he played a much larger role in all of this than any of them did individually. Not only was he the black paladin but he was half Galra, a symbol for the future. He was something the universe couldn't live without.

No, Keith _had_ to make it.

“We should probably get out of here before another one of those things arrives.” Keith stated, snapping Lance out of his thoughts.

“Oh, you saw it?” Lance asked. “Wait, how long have you been here?”

“I found you not too long ago, slumped over on the ground here next to some creature.”

“Oh god, do you know how long was I out for?” Lance shifted his weight in Keith's arms, leaning back to look at his surroundings, eyes widening in surprise as he only saw the familiar flat wasteland of before. “Wait, where did it go?”

“I was running over to where I heard noise to see you on top of one of them fall off.” Keith replied. “I dealt with the other one.” Other one? Lance looked back up at Keith to see him grimace. “It sort of melted into that green stuff on the ground a while ago.”

Lance stilled. “You mean… the green slime… that makes up like 80% of this planet?”

Keith nodded, a look of disgust on his face. “I cross checked the composition of the planet with the creature on my gauntlet. Although I don’t know exactly what they're made of, they are the same.”

“Great, lovely, that's gross now can we leave?”

Keith chuckled. “Yeah, I was trying to move you but I think that woke you up. I did a quick bio scan on you. It looks like your legs are the main injury... how bad did that one guy mess you up?”

Lance winced in recollection. “It wasn't just one… there were at least six. I managed to shoot four with my rifle but the other sprang up too close. I managed to stab another who in turn knocked me down and the last... I guess you took care of.” Lance looked up at Keith’s face to see his face warp from shocked to completely blank, eyes unreadable as he continued. “They were like a chain reaction; each one’s arrival triggers another to pop up. Fucking terrifying.”

Keith blinked a few times in surprise, eyes then narrowing slightly. “Showing off now are we?”

Lance rolled his eyes at the jab and was about to respond with a joke when he felt Keith’s grip tighten. His gaze was stern, the joke itself lacking the usual teasing tone. Lance swallowed back his retort, apprehension rising.

Before he could comment on it he felt himself being pulled up harshly into Keith’s arms then above the ground. He yelped in surprise, arms darting around Keith’s neck for support.

“Sorry,” Keith mumbled, relaxing his hold slightly. Lance frowned. He could feel the tension radiating off Keith in waves. Had he said something to set Keith off?

“I can walk.” he stated, trying to wriggle out of Keith’s grip.

“With a broken leg _and_ a twisted ankle?” Keith scoffed. “I think not.”

“Well," Lance huffed, reconsidering his statement. :I didn’t say I could walk _well.”_

Keith snorted and closed his eyes for a second, smiling fondly. Lances breath hitched. But as soon as the smile formed it cleanly sliced off, a deep frown replacing it. Keith was definitely upset and Lance couldn't figure out for the life of him why. They'd reunited for literally five minutes and it felt like Lance had already done something to mess things up.

Keith walked fast but steadily, Lance bobbing up and down ever so gently and Keith’s expression still cold, glaring off into the distance.

The ground was still the same neon green, more ominous somehow with the knowledge of the creatures’ making up half of the landmass, their bodies stretching out over nearly the entire surface. The sky was a welcome juxtaposition, the harsh purples and blues he’d seen during his crash now more diluted mauves and indigos. He supposed days passed on this planet too, and the present day might be drawing to an end.

He looked back at Keith and frowned. Keith’s expression was still distant, cold. Lance found himself staring, both in an attempt to understand Keith’s sudden mood shift and… well… because Keith himself. Forgive him but a few hours ago he didn't think he'd live to ever see anything again, let alone Keith. The indigo light bounced off his face wonderfully, illuminating the edges and creating soft concaves with shadows. His eyes seemed deeper almost, the violet mixing in with the reflection of the deepening sky.

He sighed to himself. He _had_ to get Keith back. Not only because the others needed him, not only because the universe needed him, but also because Lance wasn't quite sure how he was going to survive being stuck here alone with him.

He supposed he’d have to start by getting Keith to talk to him, at least.

He opened his mouth to say something but Keith cut him off. “Here.”

Lance turned his head to the side in surprise to find the black lion resting in front of him, stretching up to the sky in all its glory.

“Oh, great! Is your lion still working? We can signal the others!”

Keith grimaced. “Not quite.”

Lance jumped at the response. “So Black died and you crashed here too? Was it the energy?” Keith didn’t reply, face contorted slightly in what looked like... anxiety? Guilt? “No… then did the Galra come back? Are the others hurt? All because of my explosion...”

Keith blinked a few times, eyes widening as he realised what Lance was implying. “No! No, at least I don’t think so. I came after you.” Lance froze. Keith's eyes widened in panic. “I mean… I fell right after you. I was closer to you than the others and I think I came into the energy patch when you flew off.” Keith stopped walking. Lance looked up at his face to see him looking extremely frustrated. Lance winced.

“I can walk the rest of the way.” Lance offered weakly.

Keith didn't respond. He pulled Lance in tighter and made his way into Black’s cargo hold. “The healing pod doesn't have any power without Black online. I’ll have to make you a splint for your leg until we can get it working.”

He didn’t give Lance a chance to respond as he moved quickly to the back of the cargo hold, cause Lance to tighten his hold around Keith in alarm as he beelined towards the supply crates. Each of their lions had been filled with supplies, but Black and Yellow were the largest and had taken on most of the bulk like the healing pod.

“Where’d you learn how to make a cast?” Lance asked, looking at Keith expectantly. Keith silently sets Lance down on a ledge, moving away without meeting his eyes. Lance sighed before leaning back against the ship's wall behind him. “Texas boy scouts?” he teased. He watched at Keith’s shoulder stiffened, hands pausing around a box of supplies on the floor.

“A splint.” Keith corrected. “I’ve learnt a lot in the past two years.” He added quickly, rummaging through a box of supplies. Lance looked at him, waiting for him to expand but nothing followed. 

He sat back and watched Keith as he worked, methodically going through supplies, inspecting each and pulling them out to bring towards Lance. Lance recognised what looked like generic medical bandaging except it was much thicker, like a sort of padding, alongside gauze and bandages. Keith got to work quickly on binding his foot, quietly and steadily however, to Lance it felt like Keith was somewhat on edge the whole time. He was barely talking to Lance, instead just affirming or shaking his head to basic questions on what he was doing. Lance gave up eventually, focusing instead on suppressing the pang of annoyance that flashed through him.

“So, both lions aren't working.” Lance started, eyeing Keith as he tightened a bandage around his leg. “Meaning using our main comms are out of the question.” Keith didn't respond, head down as he tended to the cast. “Comms in my suit aren't working, I’m presuming yours aren't either?” Curt nod. “What do you think we should do?

Lance felt another flicker of annoyance flash through him, immediately followed by a wave of guilt. This wasn't right; Lance was being selfish. He couldn't even begin to imagine what Keith was going through. He was the leader of the universe’s last hope and now they were stuck on this planet when they were probably needed the most. Not to mention… Keith had just gotten off of _two years_ trapped somewhere just to be thrown right back into.

Lance wasn't making this any easier either. He was the reason they were down here in the first place and his foolishness was just piling onto Keith's worries.

Keith sighed heavily. “I don’t know. We can’t fly out ourselves and we don't have a way to contact the others…”

“Maybe… we could shoot a flare or something at least? Like a beam so they know where we are?” Lance offered.

Keith eyed him before responding. “There’s no way anything we have would even reach high enough.”

Lance deflated. “And that's assuming they can even see this planet.” he added. Now there was a thought Lance didn't want to linger on. What if they’d been pushed somewhere far away and the others had no way to get to them? They’d flown across the galaxies in seconds before, even transported into a parallel universe… what was to say they hadn't done something like that again? “Even if we could contact them, we could be too far away for them to ever find.”

“No,” Keith said firmly cause Lance to jump with surprise. He was still holding Lance’s leg, now glaring at him from the floor. “We _will_ get back. They’ll find us, or we’ll figure it out ourselves”

Before Lance could respond Keith had walked away back to the supply box, returning the items he’d taken out. Lance was frozen in shock for a few seconds, blinking in surprise at Keith’s sudden mood shift. His eyes stayed glued to Keith, packing away the supplies with little more force than before.

Lance found the annoyance from before return. Why the fuck was Keith so upset and why was he taking it out on him? He knew Keith was going through a lot, more than Lane could ever comprehend, and he knew he had no right to judge Keith but god fucking _damn it_. A part of Lance had been so happy to think that he wouldn't die alone only to have him wish that he had.

No, that wasn't right. Lance was just being dramatic. But _fuck_ did Keith’s attitude sting just a little.

“I’ll get us out of here.” Keith affirmed sternly. Lance snapped his eyes up to see Keith towering over him. Lance hadn't even noticed him come back. “Just stay put, I’ll figure it out.”

Keith was looking to the pilot’s cabin of the lion and back at the exit, essentially anywhere except for Lance. Lance felt himself bristling with irritation. He took a deep breath to try and calm down the rising anger.

“Okay, I’ll start going through rations-”

“No, stay put.” Keith cut him off. Lance looked at him in surprise. Was Keith trying to play some sort of game? He couldn’t seriously be acting like this? “I’ll do it.”

“Alright…” Lane trailed off after regaining his composure.

Okay this was getting too much Lance didn't exactly have the highest self view of himself but even with a broken leg he knew he could be of at least some use to Keith right now. This wasn't out of kindness, Keith had proved time and time again that the mission meant more than any individual. But at the same time, this _pettiness_ Keith was displaying was so counterproductive and inefficient…

No, this was some personal vendetta. That was the only way to explain the venom in his eyes. It seemed they had contradicting motives; Lance just wanted to get Keith and the lions back to the others and Keith… well, he just seemed to want nothing to do with Lance.

“Keith, please,” Lance said cautiously. Keith’s eyes met his slowly his figure stiffening slightly. “Think of the mission, don’t _do_ this-”

“Do what?” Keith spat, cutting him off and almost forcing Lance to jump back in surprise at the sudden force. “Hijack _your_ mission?” And there it was, the _venom_ , the hate Keith had been holding onto all along. “News flash, _Lance,_ ” Keith said through gritted teeth. “This isn't some mission, this is just you trying to play the fucking hero when guess what, you _aren't_!”

Keith’s voice echoed through the cabins, his last words playing over again in Lance’s head.

Lance was frozen. It was like Keith had tapped into his mind, replaying some of his subconscious’ worst thoughts out loud. His voice and his eyes were so cold, so judgemental. It was like looking through a telescope into his own mind, suddenly every thought was magnified and broadcasted out loud, each piercing him deep. 

Unfortunately for Lance, old habits died hard. Maybe it was just something about Keith but Lance found himself naturally rising to the bait despite often not wanting to. He just _always_  had to have the last word.

Lance narrowed his eyes. “Just because you’ve grown a couple years now does _not_ mean you get to talk down to me.” Keith’s eyes widened slightly as if he’d just realised the impact of his words but he held his ground, staring back at Lance coldly. “Go away, you can do whatever you want. I’ll just ‘stay put’ right here.”

Keith simply glared at him opening his mouth to say something before seemingly deciding the better of it and slamming it shut. He glared at Lance for a few more seconds and then walked out without another word.

* * *

 

It had been a few hours since Lance had last seen Keith.

He’d taken to lying on his back on the ledge Keith had left him on, facing the wall and simmering in his anger alone. Keith  had come into the cargo hold a few times but he didn’t say anything, so Lance didn't either.

Why _should_ Lance say anything? Keith had been completely out of line! Lance had every right to be angry.

Except he wasn’t angry, not anymore really.

The more time Lance spent alone the less he felt like Keith was in the wrong at all. It was almost instinctual at this point for Lance to retort bak to Keith, to constantly jump at each and every quip and rise to his challenge. He almost didn't notice himself doing it, not until he’d done it again just now after months.

In the past Lance barely reflected on it. Keith had just been his rival, someone he tried to get a reaction out of, someone who he _expected_ an attack from. But then Keith had become his leader, and Lance had become something of his partner, and you didn't expect attacks like this from a partner.

Keith’s words usually had a bite but they'd never stung like this before.

Why was that? After all, Keith had hit the nail on the head again like always.

It was like he had seen Lance as the trash Lance saw himself.

 _“this is just you trying to play the fucking hero when guess what, you aren't!_ ”

Ah, so that's what others thought of him.

Lance couldn't say he was surprised, after all it was what he told himself constantly. _So why did it hurt so much coming from Keith?_

Lane definitely didn't feel angry anymore, he just felt hurt and guilt, and really fucking confused as to why he felt either.

Lance sighed, turning over on his back to look up at the ceiling of the cargo hold.

A thought entered his mind, one that was too terrifying to admit. A part of him knew why Keith specifically had this much hold over him.

Lance didn't want to think about it; he needed to distract himself, do something to make himself useful. Lance swung his legs around, planting his feet on the floor. He paused for a moment, sitting upright without putting weight on his feet just yet. He hadn't tried walking with the splint Keith had made and knew he probably shouldn't without a proper cast. Additionally, he didn't have anything to help him keep the weight off.

“Fuck it.” Lance said to himself, moving his palms to cup the edge of the ledge and begun to lift himself up slowly.

“Where are you going?”

“ _Fuck._ ” Lance hissed in surprise, jumping with a start for what had to be the hundredth time today. He looked up to see Keith eyeing him from the doorway that led to the pilots cabin, arms crossed and leaning against the wall.

Lance narrowed his eyes. “To my lion.”

“With a broken leg?” Keith scoffed.

“I will drag myself there if I have to.” Lance said through gritted teeth. All guilt seemed to have flown out of the window when he was actually face to face with Keith.

Keith met his stare and held it there for what was a good few seconds, almost as if testing Lance to see if he would back down. After a few seconds Keith sighed, aggrieved.

“No, wait, I’ll… go. I think I remember where she was from here anyways.” Keith said, walking across the room and out the exit of the lion.

As usual he didn’t give Lance any time to comment, instead leaving him somewhat stupefied in his place.

Lance felt a stab and anger flash through his body, yelling out in frustration and colliding his fist down into his thigh. As soon as it came the anger vanished, leaving him feeling tired.

And guilty, as he was becoming all too accustomed with after speaking to Keith.

Not that they’d really conversed exactly. It was kind of hard to given Keith and his weird fucking _tsundere_ mood swings.

No, Lance wasn't angry, he respected Keith way too much to be angry at him. He was frustrated, yes, because Keith sucked at communication but all in all he was just trying to help Lance out in his own weird way.

The thought from before crept back into his head. He respected Keith a lot, probably more than he did Shiro or Allura. Keith, though he hated to admit it, held this sort of veto in Lance's mind. Lance just trusted him, trusted _in_ him in a way he didn't for anyone else.

That’s why it stung. Lance was inclined to believe what Keith said and that made the truth hurt more than it would coming from anyone else. And that made him realise just how much he believed Keith.

And so, more time passed with Lance simply lying down, thinking too much about everything. He was sure he fell asleep for a while there because suddenly it was night and he couldn't remember what had happened in between. He turned to his side, using his arms to push his torso up and sit upright, groaning as his stiff limbs slowly came into motion. He looked around him at the same bleary cargo hold lit up by the same couple of lamps Keith had instilled earlier in the corner. He probably wouldn't have even realised he’d fallen asleep for a while there if not for his dream.

 _His dream_.

Lance’s eyes widened as the images suddenly flooded back in, crashing all at once. The green field, the fierce winds, everything burning, reds and blues around him melting into a dark, deep black.

“Holy shit,” he whispered out loud to himself. What did that mean? He’d had the same dream twice now. He hadn't noticed it at first, after all he barely remembered his dreams when he woke up but now it felt as though the vision had been burned into his mind. He couldn't unsee it.

Something important was going to happen, he could feel it, the dread building steadily in his gut. He suddenly felt like he had to do something. No idea what exactly… but anything would be better than being condemned to this stupid ledge.

Lance shuffled forward, moving himself to the edge of the ledge and pushing down on his palms to lift himself up.

“Don’t,” Keith interrupted. Lance’s head snapped to the side in surprise to see Keith once again standing in the exit doorway like the fucking creep he was. Jesus, couldn't the guy knock? “Stop trying to hurt yourself all the time.”

Lance bit back a retort, trying to calm the flare of anger that seemed to spark up everytime Keith so much as breathed his way.

“Red is fine. I couldn’t bring her here myself, obviously. But i made a note of her location in terms of ours.” Keith said, somewhat offhandedly without so much as even looking over in Lance’s direction.

God, this was going to be a long couple of hours. Keith turned and walked across the room to the pilot’s cabin, stopping midway to drag a box of supplies with him and then he was gone again.

Lance huffed, sitting back against the wall with his arms crossed. Keith had a tendency to appear and disappear at his own will. He’d done it at the garrison, he’d done it when he joined the blade and he kept fucking doing it now.

It was almost like he cared, but that wasn't the Keith that Lance knew. No, Keith only prioritised the mission. They'd been over this. It didn't matter that they were teammates, didn't matter if they were even friends. That was just the type of person Keith was.

He was really something, wasn't he?

But Lance, try as he might, couldn't hold a grudge. He knew the basics of what Keith went through, had worked with him everyday for enough time to know his type of character. He was just being petty himself now.

It was just… hard to put into words. Keith was so strong, so admirable. It had always felt like he was levels above Lance. At least before it had felt like they had something in common. Keith’s intensity, his emotional recklessness always came from a good place. It humanised him a little to Lance, it had always been something that made him feel closer to Keith’s level. Twisted as it might be, it was comforting to know that Keith made mistakes, and that he _felt_ something once in a while.

But after his mission… Keith felt different. He was definitely more grown up physically, but also somewhat emotionally. He was more mature and level headed, able to maintain a cold distance between him and the situation. Consequently, Lance had gone from a self-started rivalry to chasing after something entirely unattainable.

Was this what their entire time stuck on this planet would be like? Keith’s constantly shifting mood and Lance’s annoyance building until both of them reached their snapping point? Lance hoped not, although, he wasn't quite ready to talk to Keith about it. He knew Keith was upset with him about something and he wanted to understand what… but Lance also had his own issues that he wasn't sure he was ready to confess yet.

Well, they had time. It didn't look like they were leaving anytime soon.

* * *

 

So Lance wasn’t angry anymore, and he could tell Keith wasn't either, but that still didn't do anything to stop the weird tension that had come about since. More time had passed, of which Keith had been dashing around setting things up and Lance had been on some sort of home imprisonment on his ledge. Everytime he so much as tried to move off Keith would appear out of nowhere and give him a glare powerful enough to make him sit back on. Lance probably wouldn't have even realised how much time had passed if not for the clock on the screen in his helmet, since the sky was still the exact same colour as before. He wasn't sure if or when his armour’s battery would die out but he was glad it was on for the meantime.

Keith had been actually speaking to him periodically, although still in short sentences, but they lacked the same bite as before. In fact, the way he approached Lance seemed almost sheepish at times, slowly trudging up and quickly turning around to resume whatever he’d been doing.

The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. Lance didn’t know how to react around Keith, and it seemed vice versa as they'd now resorted to tiptoeing around one another. It was funny how just a few hours ago Keith had been the only thing swimming around in Lance's head but now, he’d had more than enough.  

It forced Lance to come to terms with reality, the reality of how _little_ they’d interacted over the last few weeks since Keith had returned, little enough to make it so difficult now.

Lance was sitting outside now, just on the ramp coming down from the black lion that Keith had elongated to flatten out a little bit near the bottom. Keith had also set up a fire in front of them using some supplies, both to test out the grounds durability and to try cook some of the raw food they whilst they could, so they could save the others for later.

Lance let his thoughts swim around, passing the time by watching Keith hustle around in and out of the lion, doing odd little things like counting supplies and separating rations. They had not spoken properly since the thing. He might not be angry but a part of Lance was still ticked off, and worse was how he couldn't ignore the underlying guilt he felt as he watched Keith calmly work around him, unable to contribute much himself. It was entirely Keith’s fault for not allowing him to do anything, but he still felt awful.

Ha, and he thought he’d been useless before he couldn't move. 

If he’d only just been able to use his sword better. He’d done well in the training room when it first appeared, feeling the weapon almost like an extension of himself, being able to hit the targets with ease. He hadn't been able to channel that since. Allura had briefly shown him some basic techniques with her own broadsword once after that incident but so much had happened since then that he’d never been able to try it out.

_He brought the sword down forcefully, watching triumphantly as he shattered his targets. He panted heavily, grinning side to side and he managed to clear another level in training._

_Wait- a sword?_

_Lance looked in surprise at the weapon in his hand, bringing it closer for further inspection. It was large, much larger than any weapon he’d practiced with before but for some reason it didn't feel heavy at all, rather like an extension of his own body. His bayard... had become this? Lance’s bayard had only ever warped to upgrade into a sniper rifle before, he had no idea it could ever do this._

_“It’s an Altean Broadsword. My father used one just like it.”_

_Lance jumped in surprise at the voice, turning around to see Allura standing at the doorway to the training room._

_“Oh, Princess. I didn’t notice you there.” he commented, turning to face her properly. She shook her head lightly and smiled, walking towards him, stopping by his side and looking up at the sword._

_“I think your bayard has shown you what we’ve all been noticing.” She said. Lance frowned, looking at her puzzled. “You have greatness within.”_

He found that hard to believe now. He could remember her demonstrating the basic movements, defensive stances and lunges, taking the time just to help him get stronger. He was sure he was letting her down now by just sitting around.

Lance stood up, holding the sword in his hand turning it around slightly to feel its weight. He slid his foot back wincing as he did so into his stance, bringing the sword up in front of him. He tried to picture the way Allura had struck her sword forwards, the fluidity of the arm movement, matched by her legs and feet all contributing to give her that power. He could picture it now, members of the blade with the same movement, Keith, blade up and ready, foot angled slightly to the right and then-

“Ah!” he shouted as he brought his sword downward to the right. He felt something inside him bubble, a _tingling_ almost. He could almost remember it now, that same power he’d felt back in the training room, the same triumph.

Then, he fell, stumbling on his bad foot, bringing the sword down to clutch it only to hit his leg. Lance swore out loud and he fell to the floor, cradling his leg which was now bleeding in the space above his splint where he’d removed his armour.

Why wasn't he feeling anything? He could see the blood trickling down, growing in the gash, a pooling scarlet, but he couldn't- oh. Oh, there it was. There-

Lance cried out in pain, the sudden rush of it almost immobilising, freezing his entire body. Suddenly everything was numb again. Was he going into shock?

“Lance!” Keith shouted from in the doorway to the black lion. Lance looked up to watch Keith sprint the few metres towards him, dropping to the floor and sliding up right next to him. “What happened?!”

Suddenly, the pain disappeared. Lance could feel his body again, the shock dissipating instantaneously. He sat up slowly, feeling an arm wrap around behind him tightly. Lance looked at the wound, eyes widening in surprise. What had been a gash was now merely a clean cut, the blood no longer dripping. Lance blinked a few times to confirm what he was seeing. He remembered vaguely about Allura explaining how a bayard was tied to their life force, and how that affected self-damage but he’d never experienced it before.

“Lance?” Keith repeated, eyes boring down at him questioningly.

“I just cut myself training. It's fine.” Lance tried to shrug him off but Keith was forceful, glaring down at him as he tried to process his words. He gave Lance a once-over, eyes hovering on the area in his legs where the blood had already begun to form what looked like clots. Keith however, didn't seem surprised by it at all, looking instead now at the bayard besides them and then back at Lance.

“Training…? Lance, what the fuck?!” he shouted. Lance winced and leaned back, looking up at Keith as he stood up, glaring down at him. “Do you have some sort of death wish?” Lance felt a stab of guilt in his chest. He could admit he had not been the most responsible recently. Far from it, really. He knew Keith was probably reaching his limits as a leader trying to deal with someone as useless as him. “Can’t you think outside of yourself for once and stop trying to be a goddamn hero all the time. We’re a team, Lance! You can’t keep going off without thinking about the consequences for everyone!”

Lance froze. Keith’s eyes widened, as though surprised by his own outburst. Oh, Lance could feel something hot and coiling rising in him too. _‘Trying to be a hero’?_ ‘ _Going off alone without thinking of the consequences’?_ That sounded all too familiar to Lance. That sounded a little too much like Keith.

Lance could remember them all too clearly, the various times Keith had gone off without the team, determined to do everything his way. He could clearly see images of the various times Keith had almost gotten them all hurt, and almost gotten himself _killed_ trying to finish the mission. It felt a little too much like Keith’s description… always trying to get himself fucking killed in the place of others, never stopping to think about another solution or the consequences.

Lance felt the coiling anger rise, Keith had _no_ right to talk to him about this, not after the countless night Lance had spent with the others wondering if Keith was even alive out there.

“You do _not_ get to lecture me about being a team, Keith.” Lance glared. “‘Death wish’? Thats real fucking rich coming from you. Can you even count the amount of times where you’ve disobeyed orders, gone out on whatever whim you had and almost killed yourself and destroyed your lion? Because it's so different when you do it, huh?”

“I’m trying to look after you!” Keith snapped back. “I have more experience, I've been tracking the lions for longer, working with the blade. Hell, I  _am_ half Galra! It _is_ fucking different when I do it-”

“No! No its not. Stop pretending this is because you care! How _dare_ you! You’ve been gone for the last I don't even know - half a year? And all throughout that time it was essentially radio silence on your end. Don't pretend you're looking out for us. You _left_ us so many times, _toyed_ with us-”  Lance was well aware this wasn't about his leg anymore, that it was barely about his stunt with the explosion either. “-and you didn't think to tell us if you were even alive the whole time you _asshole_ !”

A part of Lance was shocked at everything he was saying. It wasn't really how he felt… not entirely at least. No, he understood why Keith had done what he did, had felt the same way when he crashed. So then why couldn't he stop his flow of words? It was like a faucet had been opened and the handle had snapped off, water gushing out at an unstoppable force. He just felt _so_ much, and he didn't understand where it was all coming from.

“You’re the one who doesn't care about his team,” he continued. His voice was lower but he could feel the venom in his words as they passed out through his throat, stinging his tongue before they were spat out. “The one who tries to get himself killed all the fucking time and with us none the wiser. There have been so many days where we thought you might be dead, Keith. Maybe you didn't care about us but we never stopped caring about you, so you have _no_ right to lecture me on this.”

He was out of breath, heart racing as anger coursed through his veins. He wished he could stand up so he could rise to meet Keith’s stare, make him feel even half of what he made Lance feel.

He didn't have to. Keith suddenly slumped to the ground next to him, body limp and head buried in his hands.

Lance’s face fell in shock, anger evaporating instantly as he watched Keith curl up on the floor. The silence was jarring. Both of them were quiet, frozen in their places.

“Keith?” he asked gently after a few moments. He didn't know whether he was supposed to go closer, didn't know how to react at all. This was a type of Keith he’d never seen before, one he needed to approach with caution.

Keith moved slightly and Lance’s eyes locked onto him, watching careful as Keith let his head fall back, face hidden as he tilted it up towards the sky. “Yeah,” he let out eventually, almost like a whisper. Lance straightened up to hear him better. “Fuck… yeah you're completely right.”

Lance felt any words he’d had prepared fall out of his mouth, his mind completely blank as shock enveloped him.

“Wh-what?” he managed to choke out.

“I’m so sorry, Lance.” Keith said, voice steady and affirmed. He turned his head and his eyes met Lance’s and Lance immediately felt a wave of guilt wash over him. He once again found his mind blank, shocked by the sincerity and guilt that Keith’s eyes seemed to convey, the vulnerability with which Keith had just… broken down. Lance had never known Keith to break down in an argument before, even when he was wrong.

This was definitely a Keith to be cautious around.

“Yeah.” Lance managed to choke out again. “Yeah, me too.” he sighed. He moved his hand back behind him to relax back, eyes still on Keith. Keith still looked on edge, eyes darting around ever so slightly as if he wanted to say something more. Lance supposed he had a lot to say himself too. “Guess we have a lot to talk about, huh?”

Keith smiled bitterly. “And a lot of time to do so.” he paused a few moments before sitting up straight, facing Lance directly and crossing his legs under him. “I should probably explain my behaviour.”

“Okay.”

Keith didn't say anything for a while. Lance was a little relieved. He was still processing the situation, processing everything really. In the last twenty or so hours Lance had been through so much all at once, from almost dying twice to fighting multiple creatures to injuring himself to thinking he’d never see his family again-

It was safe to say his brain was a little overloaded right now and Keith wasn’t helping by doing exactly what he least expected of him.

“I want to understood why you did what you did.” Keith spoke up suddenly. Lance looked at him in surprise, unsure of what he was talking about. Keith shook his head slightly, opening and closing his mouth as if reassembling his next sentence. “It… it made me so angry.. and _sad_ when you just flew into the explosion like that.” Oh. Lance couldn’t say he hadn’t been expecting an explanation but the sudden confession still caught him off guard. “I was so angry and scared… I can’t even put into words how _scared_ I was.”

Keith was looking at him, actually meeting his eyes, looking so torn and vulnerable. Lance felt something inside him clench, guilt and regret gushing in all at once. He supposed he'd never really thought about what Keith was thinking, never even considered what he might've felt. Lance had just been so determined to not let Keith be the one in his place, solely risking his life for everyone else.

“I’m _so_ sorry-“

Keith raised a hand to cut him off. “Let me finish. It’s hard for me to string together all my thoughts well and I don’t want to leave anything half-said.” Lance complied. “Uh… it’s just… you were right with what you said. I left a lot, didn’t treat you guys like my teammates and I realised how much I regretted that over the past two years.”

Keith clamped his mouth shut suddenly, contorting his face in frustration.

“Dude it’s fine, I’m not angry at you. If anything you should be angry at me-“

“No, Lance- what? I said some awful things, you _should_ be upset. I just…” Keith trailed off and sighed. Lance just waited this time. “I realised a lot about myself and you guys over the last two years. A lot of important things... and I thought I was going to lose you without having the chance to say any of it.”

Lances brain felt like it was short circuiting. Of all the possible reasons he’d thought Keith might be upset… this hadn’t even been close to the list. Lance suddenly felt like an idiot, a complete fucking dumbass for missing the mark on Keith entirely, for mischaracterising him to such a gaping extent.

“I didn’t think I was that important.” Lance chuckled nervously.

“Lance, what the hell? Of course you’re important. Don’t tell me you actually believe you aren’t?”

Lance did, but he didn’t think he could get into it right now. Lance had been through too much all at once, he wasn’t sure how he’d handle that conversation on top of it all.

“But you were fine when you first found me,” Lance said changing the subject. If Keith noticed he didn't comment on it. “Then you sort of… snapped later on.”

“I guess… when you told me how much you had to fight down here, and when I saw how injured you were… I just felt so awful. Like, I should’ve stopped you, somehow gotten there sooner or… I don't know. So I just got really angry at your for risking your life like that… and angry at myself for letting you.”

Lance got it, he genuinely got it. He knew exactly how Keith felt, had felt it himself so many times watching Keith or the others do the same he’d just… never stopped to think that Keith might be feeling the same.

“I kind of understood you for a moment there.” Lance started, Keith's eyes snapped up at him, puzzled. “I thought I wouldn’t make it… but I was kinda glad that it was me and not any of you guys.”

“Lance, what? That's awful… I hate that you had to go through that. That makes me so upset… like I failed you as a leader.” Keith was confessing something personal to him, something deep and vulnerable but Lance could not stifle the small spark of joy he felt. He hadn't realised how much he’d wanted this, _needed_ this to a degree from Keith. Just to actually talk about their feelings, and the insane amount of things they'd gone through over the last few months - years in Keith’s case. He didn't realise how much he needed just some admittance that he wasn't the only one affected by it all. “You’re… smiling.” Keith commented, looking at him slightly affronted.

“Oh,” Lance realised he was, shaking his head and looking back at Keith apologetically. “Sorry, I was just thinking… we don’t really talk like this. Any of us, in the team.”

Keith blinked in surprise a few times before forming a small smile of his own. “Yeah I guess we don't.”

“Its nice though,” Lance quickly added. “Makes me feel less useless to know I’m not the only one getting too hung up on things.”

“Lance,” Keith cut off sternly, eyeing him. “You’re not useless.”

Lance’s breath hitched. He still wasn't ready to talk about this.

“Yeah,” he replied with a weak smile. Keith opened his mouth to comment but Lance cut him off.  “Anyways, I really _will_ be useless if I don’t learn how to use my bayard.”

Keith frowned, narrowing his eyes at Lance. For a moment he looked Lance over carefully, as if searching for something. Keith then sighed, physically relaxing and averting his gaze to the fire in front of them.

Lance felt a little guilty, but he wasn't ready to talk about himself yet. Besides, he didn't want to burden Keith even further with his own delusions.

“I could teach you, y’know.” Keith spoke up. Lance looked at him confused. “How to use your sword.”

Lance looked at Keith carefully, surprised by the sincerity in his expression. “You mean that?”

“Yeah,” Keith nodded slowly. His eyes then flicked back to meet Lance’s, corners of his mouth slowly turning upwards. “I mean, you _could_ use the help.”

And just like that everything was okay again.

“Yeah,” Lance mused. “I suppose I could.”

They were silent for a bit. Lance had been up in space in the middle of a battle just moments ago, but somehow it felt like hours, even days had passed since then. Lance frowned. How had the others not managed to find them yet? Or at the very least contact them? This was Hunk and Pidge they were talking about, some of the brightest people Lance had ever met. Hell, Pidge had found a way to reach them with next to nothing at her disposal when she’d been stranded.

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

Keith’s voice snapped his out of his thoughts. He turned his head to see Keith looking at him in amusement, eyebrows raised in question.

“Don’t you think it's strange that we haven't heard from the others yet?” Lance asked. Keith face fell, mouth settling into a worried frown.

“Yeah…” he trailed off, eyes locking on the dwindling fire at their feet. “But it hasn't been very long. They probably don't even know our lions are down.”

“Yeah that's weird right? They shouldn't just… lose power. I dunno. I wish we could do more on our end.”

“We will. We’ll get through this.” Lance’s eyes met Keith’s and he once again found himself taken aback by the sheer sincerity and determination Keith showcased. Lance couldn't help but smile to himself. He didn't know if he actually believed it but he wanted to. Besides, Keith was smiling and talking back to him in a way he hadn't for weeks. Lance couldn't help but fall back into their old comfortable dialogue, the light banter and retorts. Those were good. Lance had missed them. 

“As expected of our beloved leader.” Lance teased. Keith spluttered in surprise causing Lance to grin.

“Yeah? Well…” Keith trailed off, flustered before sighing, a small smile on his face. "It's been two years without your teasing, I think I'm a little out of practice."

"What, was Krolia not able to keep up the banter?"

"Krolia..." Keith trailed off. Lance watched him curiously as his eyes slightly clouded over, gaze distant as he seemed to remember something. He snapped out of it after a few moments. "Krolia would probably surprise you. Now come on." Keith suddenly stood up, pulling Lance up with him.

"Where?"

"To sort supplied. We should prepare to be here for a while."

 

* * *

 

There was a slight mechanic hum suspended through the air that penetrated the silence. The source of which, Lance didn't know considering nothing was powered up in the black lion, but it brought a sort of comfort in the night. He focused in on it, letting the gentle drone echo in his head as an attempt to quell everything else.

It wasn't working. Lance’s body was completely exhausted, his muscles aching from the sudden physical overuse and injuries, but his mind was wide awake. It wasn't a pressing thought, but rather the cumulative cesspool of events he’d been dragged through over the last day that kept him up.

It didn't help that it also wasn't even nighttime. According to his clock he’d been here for almost two full days but the sky was still the same disturbing mix of hues. It wasn't something Lance was unaccustomed to however, considering the time they'd spent flying through space with no change in day around them. But it still felt wrong, as if no time has passed at all since they’d crash landed and because of that he felt like he couldn't rest, _shouldn’t_ rest.

Even the castle had been designed to emulate some type of day and night. This just reminded Lance how far away he was from all that, how far away he was from home. Time barely seemed to be moving and nothing was changing and they were still stuck here, unable to do anything and the others might be in danger-

It all became too much and Lance jolted up in panic, panting furiously to calm down his racing heart. He took deep, shaky breaths, struggling to get the air fully to his lungs, vision blurring as his eyes watered. He stayed like that for a few moments, his breathing eventually slowing down and eyes clearing, allowing them to wander the room.

He was in the main cargo hold of the lion, sleeping on the futons that had been kept in every lion. It wasn't completely dark; there was a single lamp in the center of the space casting a a soft yellow glow near the healing pod. The lion itself however was completely dark, and no light entered from outside. Keith had turned off all the other lamps before going to bed.

Lance couldn't help but smile a little at the memory, the image of Keith walking around and dutifully turning all the lamps off, mumbling “you uh... need your rest”.

It was definitely a comfort to have Keith around.

He lay back down on the mattress, pulling the blanket up and curling in on himself. Lance let out a soft sigh. He knew he needed to rest to get better. That way, he could keep up with Keith, be less of a burden. But it was so hard. Minutes passed and he found himself still unable to relax.

He was so tired, hell, he was absolutely _exhausted_. Just yesterday he’d been in a battle, crashed violently on a foreign planet, fought against giant monsters and broken his leg. His body had been through too much, he should be knocked out like a log. But he supposed that was it; he’d been through so much in such a short period of time that though his body wanted a break, his mind couldn't stop racing ahead.

They were still stuck here and hadn't done anything. No game plan, no way of getting out. The situation was so crazy and the longer they went without hearing form the others… the more afraid Lance felt. Gosh, what were they going to do?

“Can’t sleep?”

Lance’s eyes sprung open in surprise at Keith’s voice. His voice was soft and heavy, gently cutting through the hum in the cargo hold. He didn't sound drowsy, how long had he been awake for?

“Yeah just… thinking.” Lance replied softly, turning his head to eye Keith’s sleeping form in the futon on the other side of the space. Keith tsked in response, turning around suddenly to face Lance.

“You think too much lately.” Lance didn't know how to respond, surprised by the sudden comment. Keith continued. “I know its hard. It was like that for me every night too, the guilt from not doing anything and the fear from not being able to reach you guys… but I got through it and so will we.”

Lance felt something fall in the pit of his stomach. Keith was so steady, so reliable and he’d been through so much. Lance felt almost guilty that he was making Keith worry about him and knew he should just listen and trust that they’d make it out but… a part of him just couldn't.

“How… how can you be so sure?” Lance asked slowly after a few moments.

Keith went silent for a minute. “I’m not alone, am I?” Lance’s breath hitched. “I have you to help me, and you’ve got me too. Krolia and even the wolf were the reason I was able to do it. If i learnt anything in over these years… it’s that our team is strong and we’ll get through this.”

Lance felt a strange burst of warmth inside his chest, a soft gentle feeling that slowly spread across his body.

“Thank you, Keith.”

The light illuminated Keith's face just enough for Lance to see it slack in surprise, Keith’s eyes wide. He opened his mouth as if to say something before deciding the better of it and turning to face the other side.

“Get some sleep, Lance.”

* * *

 

_Lance’s eyes fluttered open. The sudden influx of light was blinding, shrouding his vision and lighting everything up in a hazy purple glow. Lance blinked a few times before pushing himself forwards, arms clutching around the cool metal of his seat for leverage._

_Wait, his seat?_

_Suddenly his surroundings appeared in a startling quality, sharpness of the image stinging his eyes, ricocheting in his head. He was in a lion. Everything was dim as if on sleep-mode, but he was moving. Or at least Lance thought he was moving. Everything was dark through the window of the lion save for the sparse specks of light from stars in the distance._

_Suddenly Lance felt a lurch and the lion picked up speed, specks slowly becoming long harsh lines of light as he raced ahead. He was moving but… he wasn't controlling it? His arms were nowhere near the dashboard in fact… his arms were completely bare. Where was his armour? There was a flash in front of him, the control panel lit up alive, harsh purple light surging beneath the controls._

_Lance panicking reached out to the switches, pulling the main lever but it had no effect. He could feel his heartbeat picking up, panic surging through him. The lights on the dashboard blinked slowly, as if taunting him with their icy purple glow._

_Purple… this wasn't his lion._

_Suddenly, the lion made impact. The whole cabin shook furiously, a horrifying screech sounding through the air. Lance felt his body hurtled forward, seat belt digging into his skin as it struggled to hold him back. Everything went dark. Lance’s breath was staggered, the force of the impact suspended throughout his body. He couldn't feel his limbs._

_A siren sounded. The cabin flashed in a blinding blue light._

_His vision went blue, then red, then black._

Lance jolted up with a start, eyes wide and lungs heaving as he struggled to calm down his racing heartbeat. He looked down to see his hands clutching his blanket tightly, knuckles going white. He let go in surprise, flexing them slowly to bring back colour to his hands.

He sighed deeply. Lance was no stranger to nightmares; they'd come quite frequently during his time on the castle, after the glamour of Voltron had faded away. However, these didn't feel like nightmares. They weren't quite like normal dreams either. These visions had an underlying current of panic, of events that were out of his control and each remained in his head in startling clarity. They were so strange as well, speaking in colours and dissected visuals as if whatever message that was trying to be conveyed had been broken up and Lance could only access the fragments. They were so surreal and exhausting, leaving his body feeling absolutely battered and torn apart.

He reached for his helmet putting it on over his head and scanning the screen. It was morning now, sort of. He’d been asleep for almost ten hours.

Lance crawled out of his bed slowly, looking around at the space. He was alone. Keith had completely packed up his sleeping gear and tidies up most of the supplies. Lance smiled bitterly to himself. If he ignored the fact he was in the black lion… it was easy to imagine he’d been here alone all along. The familiar numbness crawled back into his psyche **.** Everything around him was dull and lifeless save for a few of the emergency lamps lit in the corners.

Lance sighed and began rolling up his sleeping equipment too, an odd sort of solemn ritual in the quiet of the morning. Keith had apparently gone off somewhere, leaving him by himself in the empty lion. Just like with the others, no one was around to notice Lance wake up or sleep, no one caring to even toss him any greetings.

He proceeded to force himself up, wincing as he stumbled trying to get his balance before hopping over to the corner of the room where the rations were kept. To his surprise he found them already organised and categorised, no doubt by Keith.

He felt a wave of guilt resurge in his gut.

He’d felt so determined yesterday when he’d decided that he needed to get Kieth back, but look at him now, barely able to stand up and hop to get across a room. Lance felt embarrassed for even thinking he could manage such a thing.

He hated to admit it but without Keith here Lance knew that he’d probably have fallen apart by now. He could barely look after himself and truth be told, barely _wanted_ to. He was physically impaired, emotionally distressed and mentally a shitshow. He felt guilty for ever calling himself a paladin, seeing as he could barely be one.  

But he wasn't alone. Keith was here, and Keith had said he was grateful for Lance being here too. It didn't matter whether he was lying or not, what mattered was the fact that Keith was relying on him. Lance knew that trust was misplaced, but that didn't change the fact that it was still there. Keith trusted him, and that meant he needed to be better.

Lance grabbed a few of the rations and hopped back to the table at the side of the cabin. He was finishing up eating when he heard a mechanical shutter noise, light illuminating the hallway leading out from the cargo hold as the main door of the lion opened.

Lance heard the same shutter noise as the door closed, ears honing in on the following sounds of steady footsteps through the corridor. Keith emerged, helmet under his right arm, left hand free to run through his hair. Lance attention was immediately drawn to him, food forgotten. He didn't fail to notice the way his entire body suddenly perked up, a strange sort of relief flooding through his system.

Keith looked over at him and smiled brightly. Lance also didn't fail to notice the way his heart pick up, the accellerated blood flow warming him up.

“Hey.” Keith said in greeting, walking over to the table and taking the seat across Lance.

“Hey,” Lance responded. “Where were you?”

“Just checking on Red.” Keith replied. Oh right, Lance hadn't even thought about Red for a while. Some paladin he was. “The ground here is weird. If one of the lions comes to power before the other we should move them closer together to watch them.”

Lance smiled softly to himself, looking back down at his food. As expected from Keith, thinking so far head. “You’re way too good at this stranded on an alien planet thing.”

He could see Keith’s face fall from the corner of his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Lance didn't want to give Keith a chance to ask any questions so he quickly grabbed what was left of his food with both hands, sliding across his seat to get out. Lance’s hands were full so he pushed off of the table with his elbows, balancing on his other leg. He managed to stand up shakily before losing his balance, hitting the table behind his and falling further.

Suddenly two arms were around him and Keith was pulling him into his chest to stand him back up. Lance felt his stomach turn both from the proximity and the embarrassment. “I can get up myself.” he muttered pushing himself out of Keith’s grip, heat flooding to his cheeks.

“You really couldn't.” Keith commented, relaxing his hold. Lance didn't argue. “And also, two years of practice.”

There it was, that familiar sinking feeling of realisation when he was reminded. Two years. And it was Lance’s fault that Keith would have to live it out again. Keith had told him not to worry about it but there was no way Lance could ever forgive himself, no way he expected Keith to either.

“Practice with what? Teammates falling?” Lance joked, attempting to stifle the sinking in his gut.

“Falling, huh?” Keith repeated softly. He wasn't looking at Lance, instead staring off somewhere, eyes clouded. Now it was Lance’s turn to look at him confused, feeling as though he was almost intruding on a moment as Keith was lost in thought. Keith swiftly snapped out of it, eyes back on Lance. “You’d be surprised.” he said louder, expression bright yet tone somehow heavier than before, as if he was forcing the words out.

Lance still stared at him, trying to read his expression. Keith rarely let himself get carried away with his thoughts, at least not in front of others. Unlike Lance he was better than that, focused and able to be fully involved in a task. That’s what made him a true paladin; that steady dependability. Even with Lance constantly floating in and out of his own headspace, being trapped here had barely affected Keith’s demeanour. What could’ve taken his attention like that?

“You ate something?” Keith asked, snapping Lance out of his daze again. Lance really kept proving himself right.

“Yeah,” Lance forced himself to reply after being silent for too long. Lance opened his mouth to say something more before biting it shut. Keith’s face was relaxed, an expectant smile as he waited for Lance to continue. He wanted to say something about the rations, something about how Keith has been quietly doing everything this whole time but why was it so hard? Lance took a deep breath before speaking. “Thank you… uh… for organising everything.”

Keith seemed surprised, blinking a few times. Why was it so hard to say thank you? Why was it so hard for Lance to admit any gratitude? Lord knows he had an abundance of it, especially towards Keith, so why did he feel himself flush, feel his heartbeat pick up and have to almost choke the words out?

“No worries.” Keith replied a little hesitantly.

This was odd for him too. Why was it odd? It wasn't as if they were enemies, or still the rivals Lance had forced on them. They were teammates. Teammates could say thank you. Lance was sure he’d said it before, he knew he’d had plenty reason to. They’d even been building a sort of partnership before Keith left, he’d been Keith’s right hand man. Sort of. Sort… of…

Ah. that was it. That uncertainty. It was this underlying current in their relationship, this uneven footing to build off of. There was no bad blood anymore, that Lance was sure of, but the foundation was still unsteady and that made their interactions weird, and unfamiliar.

“No seriously,” Lance continued. “you don't have to do as much as you do but like... I uh really appreciate it. Really.”

Keith was silent for a moment before smiling back. “Come on, we should think about what to do next.”

Lance nodded and let Keith take the packets out of his hands, sitting back down on the table as Keith put them away. He tried not to dwell on the act, on how unprovoked Keith just _did_ things for him, or how pathetic Lance was for not being able to do them himself in the first place.

“Lance?” Keith asked, drawing his attention back to the moment. Lance cussed himself out in his head, irritated at letting his mind wander off again.

“Yeah, sorry.” Lance mumbled back. _Focus_ . _You finally have a chance to be useful._

“Lets recap our timeline thus far.” Keith started. “I think you went through a lot more than I did first hand… why don’t you start, from the explosion.”

Lance nodded. “I flew into the energy field to try to push the ship further away before it exploded. I don't know i just thought it might work but i was too slow and it still went off. And when it did… something strange happened and Red just turned completely off. I don't know if Red got pushed somewhere or what happened exactly because it didn’t feel like we moved but i completely lost sight of you guys, and everything was weirdly dark.”

“No stars.” Keith commented.

“Yeah…” Lance trailed off. “For you too?” Keith nodded thoughtfully, not adding anything else. “I didn’t even see us approaching the planet just before I knew it we were suddenly crashing.”

“Yeah, that was the same for me,” Keith admitted. “Except i could see you.” Lance looked at him in surprise. “Not clearly… like you were quite far off but I saw your lion sort of disappear into something, I think it was the planet’s atmosphere, and then I sort of got sucked into it a little while later too.”

“You saw me?” Lance asked, despite knowing the answer. Keith nodded slowly. Lance also knew the answer to his next question but he couldn't stop himself from asking. “Did you see the others?” Keith’s face fell. He shook his head. “I thought so.”

“But, I don't think it hit the others.” Keith said quickly. The way his voice went higher at the end made it sound more like a question, setting an uncomfortable turning in Lance’s stomach. “Our lions went off right? The explosion itself wouldn't have done that.”

Lance’s eyes widened as he realised what Keith was getting at. “So it was probably just the weird energy? And we were the only ones in it?”

Keith nodded. “I was a lot… closer than the others,” he added. Lance didn't know if he was imagining things but Keith was acting a little shifty. “I don't think they got hit the same way if at all.”

Lance let out a slow breath. “So they should be okay?”

“I think so.” Keith responded. “At the very least, their lions should be working.”

Lance sighed. “You're right.”

“So what happened to you next?” Keith asked after a few seconds of silence.

“Right…” Lance focused back on his memory. “Then I crashed. And I think i was unconscious for a little while though i’m not sure how long exactly. If my helmet’s clock is working correctly, it must’ve been maybe five hours.”

“No way.” Keith blurted, eyebrows creased. “I came in right after you. But i got out of my lion almost immediately and found you outside near the monsters.”

“Maybe my helmets broken then but I don't know…” Lance could remember post the crash, the time he spent in panic in his lion, the dreams… he knew a lot of time had passed for sure. “I was definitely out for a while. And then I spent some time in my lion kind of panicking, trying to get a response out of Red. she said she needed time-”

“You spoke to Red?” Keith interrupted again, face slack in surprise.

“Yeah.”

“Black has been radio silent.” Keith replied, although it felt like a comment more to himself. “Sorry, carry on.”

“Oh, uh after that I waited about three more hours before leaving my lion. I spent almost an hour walking around before those things appeared. I don’t know how long it was until you found me.”

“I didn't land too far away from you, I’m surprised you didn't hear me.” Keith said with a frown. Lance thought back, he didn’t recall seeing or hearing the black lion fall at all, only the monsters noises and the ground’s shaking. “I came here as soon as i could with my jetpack so only a few minutes. I stepped out almost immediately to see if i could see your lion but instead i saw you surrounded by that creature through my helmet’s magnifier and rushed when i saw you fall.

“You used your jetpack?” Lance asked feeling a little embarrassed. He probably could’ve avoided injury entirely if he’d used his. “I was worried mine might run out.”

“Trust me, it didn't run out in two year and I doubt it will now. I'm still not sure what their power source is but it’s crazy good.” Lance nodded in acknowledgement. Maybe he could still help Keith if he used his jetpack to take the stress off his foot… but knowing Keith chances were he still wouldn't let him.

Lance felt better hearing Keith’s side of the story, his memories sort of clearer and more solid. However there was still something that felt off to Lance. Maybe it was the combination of the weird energy and the planet, or the radio silence from the others… but despite having an idea of how the fell here, there was still a lot of uncertainty.

“This whole timelines still doesn't make sense to me,” Lance started, garnering Keith’s attention. “What do you mean your helmets clock is off? I was counting alongside mine and the seconds seem accurate.”

“Well, not for me,” Keith answered, grabbing his helmet from beside him and putting it on. “It should be showing whatever the Altean standard time is but its only passed a little since we landed. Here, I’ll share me screen with yours.”

Lance moved along his seat to get up to bring his helmet but before he could Keith had already jumped up and walked across the room, grabbing it and bringing it back. Lance took it sheepishly out of his hands and put it on.

Lance looked at his screen and sure enough the time was almost the exact same as what it had been before they landed. Lance knew, he’d become accustomed to either dozing off or staring at the clock routinely during their travels and it had passed only about half an hour since. Accounting for their battle and crash… it said they’d only spent a few minutes on this planet. His own personal helmet had the Altean time and a customised simulation of Earth’s time that Pidge had made for him. He had no idea what date or day it was back home but it was somewhat comforting to see the familiar seconds and hour go by.

He pressed the button to put his screen away, looking at Keith who’d resumed his place across. “Did the fall damage it?” Lance asked.

Keith frowned and tilted his head to the side, removing his own helmet. “That would be the only explanation that i could think of... but the clock’s connected to some exterior server or whatever that Pidge built, like it isn't created by the suit itself. The screen could be broken or something but our armours been through so much shit and nothing's ever happened to it. Way more than just this crash.”

“Yeah,” Lance hummed in agreement. “My helmet has Pidge’s Earth time simulation. I don't think it’s accurate to any country on earth but it’s definitely working fine, the standard seconds, minutes and hours. But if I try the helmets own clock.” Lance tapped on his gauntlet to bring up the other clock inputted into its system. “Oh.” he commented, frown deepening. “Its the same as yours. The Altean time isn't working.” Lance tried to refresh the clock but it still showed the exact same time, ticks seemingly frozen in place. “That's so weird. This is so weird.”

“Its way too odd to just be coincidence.” Keith agreed.

“Or to just be the suits malfunctioning… like in the exact same way? That doesn't sound right.” Lance commented, feeling an unease in his gut the longer he thought about it. It wasn't anything dramatic or even remotely dangerous but it was just unnerving enough to set him off. “Is the rest of your armour fine?”

“Yeah,” Keith replied. “Yours?” Lance nodded back at him, taking his helmet off. “Guess all we can do is wait for the lions.”

“Guess so.” Lance chimed. “Or the others.”

Keith smiled weakly in response. After a few seconds he got up from his place, walking out from the table and over to the back of the cargo hold. “Anyways,” Keith said. “I’m going to go train.”

“Wait, what?” Lance blurted out. “Shouldn't we continue to form like… some sort of game-plan?” _Shouldn't we be trying harder to get you out of here?_

Keith stopped in his tracks and turned around to face Lance. “Yeah we can later, theres not exactly much else we can do now. Its better that we focus on building a routine so we don’t slack off. Routine is im-”

“Important,” Lance cut him off bitterly, leaning back in his seat with his arms crossed. “Yeah, yeah I know.”

Keith scoffed, face softening slightly as he continued to look at Lance. “Red talked to you, right?” Lance nodded hesitantly in response. “Then that's all I need to know we’ll be okay; I can trust in that.”

Lance didn’t know how to respond. Once again the shift in their dynamics was more and more apparent, the distance between seeming more like some gaping hole. “Oh.”

Keith rolled his eyes. “You should get some rest.”

“Thats literally all I’ve been doing since we came back to the lion.” Lance muttered to himself. Keith had already turned back around, walking over to a large chest on the side of the room and ruffling through it. He didn't seem to have heard anything, thankfully. Lance relaxed back on the seat behind him, watching from the corner of his eyes as Keith worked through the supplies in that chest, removing and reorganising many of the items.

Lance knew he wasn't capable of much but that didn't mean he wanted Keith to have to do everything alone. It might not be his lion but he could still do little things like organising and rationing… he could do _something_ at the very least. He knew that unlike the first day there wasn't any underlying malice or irritation behind Keith’s actions, but he still didn't like that way Keith refused to let him do anything. Lance had made up his mind to do everything he could to get Keith back, and that meant not just sleeping the whole day.

“Keith,” Lance began. “You shouldn't do everything alone. I can help you.”

Keith continued to shuffle objects around. Lance thought he hadn't heard and was about to repeat himself when Keith abruptly closed the chest, turned around slightly, gaze averted. “I just don't want you to get hurt.” Keith mumbled. Once again, Lance didn’t know how to respond, instead left to stare at Keith’s figure whilst he felt his cheeks heat up.

He pushed it down, trying to grasp a hold of himself. “I wont get hurt just going through supplies.” he pressed.

“Lance,” Keith sighed, tone heavy. He fully turned around, meeting Lance’s eyes. “Have you ever broken your leg before?”

“What do you mean?” Lance asked with a frown.

“I mean… okay when I was younger I used to break my arm a lot. And after a while, though i'm not proud of this, I kind of got used to it? As in I understood how to hold my arm to make sure  I didn't stress it further, how to recognise signs that it isn't healing properly etc. Thankfully i got treated rather quickly each time so they only lasted a little while but without anything here…” Keith sighed again, grimacing and biting his tongue gently as if tasting out his next words. “We don’t have anything close to that equipment. I don't even know how to make you a cast or stilts. Bones are really fragile Lance and i just don’t know how to help you.”

There it was, that unsteady foundation making itself all the more apparent. Their relationship was so unstable, dynamic unbalanced. It felt like a scale that would constantly tip back and forth, their roles and moods switching around constantly. Lance went from trying to help to being helped, all without even realising what was going on, unable to hold onto a role long enough to see it through.

Keith continued speaking. “You know back in the day, injuries like this could ruin an athlete’s career forever if they weren't ridiculously careful. I don't want to risk permanent damage with you Lance.”

As usual Keith was the voice of reason. Lance felt so... _small_ in his presence, so foolish at times. How did he manage to be so… _right_ about everything? So future-sighted and strategic and just… so much more level headed than Lance could ever be. And that was saying something for Keith. He’d always been brilliant, but still susceptible to his emotions in the heat of the moment. Now… he was something more calculating, something more formidable. He was really something.

“I see.” Lance mumbled out, slumping against the wall. He felt stupid for even protesting in the first place.

Keith seemed to pick up on his mood. “I’m sorry, Lance, I wish I could help you, I just don't know how.”

Lance straightened up, frowning across at Keith. If that's what Keith thought Lance was upset about… Keith really didn't know him at all. “Keith, dude, you do more than enough, _way_ more than enough. I just… I wish I was more use to you.”

Keith frowned. “No what you're fine. You're great. I told you last night, right?” Keith paused for a moment, suddenly looking extremely flushed but he pressed on. “You being here means i'm not alone and that's more than enough. Okay?”

Lance just nodded. He was not used to this Keith yet, not used to being face with this… this _thoughtfulness_. Keith had always been overly aware of the team but always in a more pragmatic and strategic sense, this Keith was tuned in on a whole other level, constantly going out of his way for Lance without so much of a word from him.

It was startling, jarring really. This just wasn't the Keith Lance knew. This just kept catching him off guard, leaving him a speechless, mumbling idiot.

Keith seemed to take his nod as all the affirmation he needed and had left to train. Lance was once again left in a room alone with his racing thoughts. He adjusted his position, laying on his back on the bench-seat, staring up at the dark ceiling too far from the lamps to be lit up. He didn't know what kind of freaky reverse psychology Keith had used but now he’d feel more guilty _doing_ something than not.

So Keith was really nice and talkative now. That was fine. That was whatever. It wasn’t so weird it was just... a lot to process, that was the only reason it was bothering him so much.

So why was it so weird?

Was it just the juxtaposition, the massive difference from the Keith Lance kept in his head to the Keith he was faced with now? Keith left at such a… tentative time in their relationship. Lance had recognised the change in Keith back then, and the change in himself even when approaching Keith. Because of that he’d become so hyper aware of him, so attentive to their developing relationship. But that progress had been abruptly cut off, and then suddenly forced to resume with a completely different Keith. That was the reason it was weird, right? But, so what? People changed, Lance shouldn't be so surprised by it. Lance didn't care.

So why did Lance care so much?

They’d begun to start talking, start joking around even but it wasn't as if they were completely comfortable now. Things were definitely less tense but if anything Lance understood Keith even less than before, could barely predict his moods and reactions.

If anything, he had been kind of relieved when Keith had snapped at him the first night here. It was so much more familiar to the most reserved Keith he’d been seeing throughout the last few weeks since he’d returned. It had been an homage almost to the old Keith, Lance’s Keith, the one he’d saved in his memory who always lashed out with a fury and felt too much all at once. The one who was reckless but so talented, so passionate and determined to finish the mission.

This was a careful Keith, a cautious Keith. A more talkative Keith for sure, but less open, somehow more guarded than before.

It was almost like a role reversal. Keith seemed more open and friendly but Lance had no idea what he was thinking most of the time, no idea of what he’d been through.

All in all, Keith was just more confusing, and that meant Lance was stuck. He was stuck in this two different timelines, one with the Keith before and one with the Keith now and it was tearing him in different directions.

He still didn't understand why he cared so much. Why did his mind linger so much on this? Keith was entitled to change, he was allowed to grow. Who the fuck was Lance to be this bothered? He didn't know. He didn't understand and he was too tired to try.

Lance woke up feeling stranger than ever. He hadn't even noticed himself fall asleep. He hadn't had another vision like the night before, thankfully, but he still had a one track mind and it’s only focus seemed to be Keith.

He sighed and stood up. Keith occupying his every thought wasn’t anything new, surprisingly enough, but unlike times before he didn't have anything to distract himself with.

Time passed him surprisingly quickly. Lance got up to eat and drink something, hop around to explore some of the nearest supply crates in the black lion and then lay back to drown in his thoughts. Hours passed him like this which was so strange compared to the achingly slow passing of time on his first day here. He still didn't have much more of a plan as compared to then, yet he somehow felt more… at ease? No, that wasn't right. He was still worried, still anxious but he didn't feel as hopeless. The only real difference was Keith.

Oh. Keith.

It was strange how a part of you could subconsciously understand something, but you didn't really know it, or at least realise it until you had to spell it out.

It was in the way Keith constantly brought him out of his own spiralling thoughts, reminded him of little things that gave him hope. Just his presence seemed to make things… better…

Lance stilled. His mind seemed to have split itself onto two tracks, one racing ahead with the other struggling to catch up. What was this effect that Keith had on him? How much power did Keith have over him, to affect him like this? What did Keith even mean to Lance for him to affect him so much? Lord knows no one else on the team ran through his mind this often, not Shiro, not even Allura.

Allura was obviously very different to Keith but somehow Keith was on his mind more. It was different than before, Lance knew this. Before Lance would focus on Keith because he was annoyed or furious or in awe. Keith kept doing things, completely outside of Lance that lingered in his psyche more than he’d ever admit out loud.

Now it was Keith entirely in relevance to Lance, how Keith acted around Lance, why it mattered so much, how much it affected him. Lance was doing a lot of thinking and it felt like a part of his mind had already reached a conclusion, but the other part was still waiting on the announcement. It was infuriating and confusing, as Keith always was.

Lance heard the familiar mechanical shutter of the exit gate and jolted up. He refused to dwell on the way his entire body seemed to perk up, almost like a dog at the end of the day when it’s owner finally came home. No, he wouldn't dwell on it.

“Keith!” he exclaimed as soon as Keith entered the room, causing the other to jump in surprise. “I’d been meaning to ask you really but what happened to Krolia and your wolf? They were with you before you crashed, right?”

Keith's eyes widened in surprise at the sudden question but he nodded quickly. “The wolf teleported them both out before I crashed, thankfully.”

“Wow, you really trained it well.” Lance commented in surprise.

“I don't think I really trained it per se.” Keith replied, walking across into the room to put his equipment away. “More like… we trained together and got used to each other, sort of. I don't tell it what to do.”

Keith sounded so… content, almost blissful in his recount. Lance didn't know why but he felt a bitter wrenching in his gut, something icy and sour.

Before he could stop himself he shot back a retort. “Ah, you did quite a lot over two years, huh?” S _hut up Lance why do you care?_

“Well, yeah,” Keith replied. If he noticed the bitterness in Lance’s tone he didn't comment on it thankfully. “but it wasn't just fun and goofing off.” Ah, no, he did notice, he just mistook it. Not that Lance was entirely sure what he’d intended it to be himself. Why was he bitter over Keith’s mission? It had nothing to with him. “I was constantly training, both by myself and with Krolia.”

Of course he was. Keith was the type of person who never let himself slack off, constantly working to improve himself. That part of him hadn't changed, _even though everything else had._

What the fuck? Where was this coming from? The thought entered his mind, crawled in and dug itself a home before Lance could even notice, bringing with it a feeling of intense anger and bitterness. Where was this coming from suddenly? Why was he so fucking bitter? It was almost suffocating, this wave of intense emotion suddenly crashing in from nowhere and flooding his system.

“Do you need help moving around the hold?” Keith interrupted Lance from his panicked thoughts. Lance snapped his gaze across to see Keith standing just in from of him, eyebrows raised in question.

“Oh! No, no I’m good.” Keith seemed to pick up on Lance’s panic, face falling in worry. Lance quickly spoke again before Keith could say anything. “You’ve never been this helpful before. Did you do some social training as well in your two years?” he teased, half-assed.

Keith eyed him cautiously, but did not comment on it. “Well, two years _is_ a long time, Lance. I had a lot of free time to... reflect.”

That indicated the end of the conversation. There was a bit of tension between them that there wasn't before, and Lance knew he was the sole cause. Keith wasn't harsh with his words anymore, he rarely got angry over the last few weeks but he had a way of steering and finishing conversations, one Lance hadn’t really noticed until now.

Two years, huh? Lance’s mind drew back into it like a moth to a flame.

He thought about it carefully. Two years. What did that mean to a person? Lance thought about himself two years ago. The answer was it meant a lot. Lance couldn't even begin to fathom the type of person he was two years ago. It was pretentious to say but he couldn't imagine himself being friends with that person now, couldn't imagine even trying to know him. That Lance was a complete stranger, a naive, foolishly cocky stranger.

Two years. Entire lifetimes could pass by in two years. You could graduate, find work, get married, die. Hours and days of emotional growth. New friends and hobbies and experiences. A single day in itself was full of so much, so rich in growth and life. Lance could remember his days back on earth two years ago, each day dedicated wholly to pursuing his dream, each hour devoted to someday flying out amongst the stars.

Two years meant a lot. Two years _changed_ a lot. Two years had changed Keith.

But that didn’t answer the question of why he cared so much, and why he felt so bitter about it. Was it out of guilt, that Keith suffered through this for all of them? Out of sympathy? Pity, even?

Lance didn't know, and he couldn't even begin to understand what Keith had suffered through. Being in Voltron had been distracting, one didn’t really notice time pass by and if they did you didn't let yourself dwell on it, but just being stranded on a space whale for two whole years… how was Keith okay? How the hell was he okay?

Lance found himself repeating his old patterns, slipping in and out of his day, lost in thought as hours just passed him by. These thoughts were just building, Lance’s emotions were just growing he had to confront Keith, had to do _something_.

“We should start thinking about communicating with the others, too.” Keith’s voice came in, cutting Lance out of his thoughts. He blinked a few times in surprise, looking in front to see Keith sitting opposite him at the table. This happened often as Lance slipped in and out, Keith talking to him time to time as if he wasn't a complete nuisance to him and Lance having to pretend that he wasn't losing his mind. “We can't just keep waiting for the others.”

“It’s strange they’re not here yet.” Lance replied. “It’s been what, a few days?”

“Guess we’re farther away than we thought.” Keith mused. That startled Lance. it had been another day, or two even, Lance wasn't sure anymore and the lions were still completely dead. Lance didn't want to dwell on it but at this point he had almost no control over what his mind chose to pick on and blow up, instead just giving in to the panic clouding his head.

“But how?” Lance asked, panic edging into his tone. “It wasn’t that big of an explosion. And i don't know much about energy fields or… waves or what but surely they can’t separate us _that_ much.”

“Might not be just energy,” Keith sighed begrudgingly, his face however still impassive. No he was frowning slightly, almost pitifully. Did he pity Lance? Pity him for feeling so anxious? “Pidge only said it had a similar signature and wasn’t something they could speak confidently about. That’s why we weren’t supposed to go in.”

Lance felt a strange sort of sinking when each of his panicked questions were met by Keith’s calm response. It was like this often, Keith’s level-headedness juxtaposing Lance’s borderline hysteria. Lance had been grateful for it at the start but now it just furthered his anxiety. Why wasn't Keith more affected by this? How could he be so calm and relaxed? How the fuck did he do it?!

“How… how are you not more stressed about this?” Lance asks, voice shaky. “How the hell are you so calm about all this?!” Lance regrets his outburst as soon as the words leave his mouth.

Keith looked him over carefully, eyebrows furrowed in… hurt? Confusion? Disbelief? “Lance, I’ve been through a lot worse. Forgive me for not treating being stranded for a few days like the end of the world when i’ve already done this for two years.”

Keith didn't snap at him. Lance almost wished he had. Instead he just walked away, leaving Lance to simmer on that swirling mix of bitterness, now mixing in with guilt.

Two years. The thought lingers in his mind again, growing, becoming almost suffocating. _Two years._ Trapped. He couldn't even begin to imagine the insane loneliness, the mental fortitude required

Usually it was a thought he could push to the back of his mind when it had come up in the past few weeks, something irrelevant, inconsequential to whatever their current mission presented. But now, he was stuck here with nothing to do, nothing to even think about except for Keith.

Lance had noticed the differences in Keith since he’d returned to the team, yeah, but for the first time since that, he was forced to really consider them. To comprehend what had changed him so drastically.

When Keith had come back he’d been happy of course not see his teammate, but a part of his had still felt uneasy. It was something he was ashamed to admit, but he had a lot of pent up emotions regarding Keith and in typical Lance fashion, he never wanted to address them.

There had always been something unresolved for Lance when it came to Keith. From their rivalry at the garrison, to then Voltron, to Keith leaving them for the blade, to Keith returning and becoming their leader, to then Lance becoming something of his right hand man, to Keith leaving again….

It was a fucking headrush, for sure. Lance felt like he’d been unwillingly strapped onto some sort of roller coaster, jostling about and head being yanked into all directions. They’d gone from antagonistic to dependant, well at least on Lance’s side.

Keith, despite his obvious battle and leadership prowess had still been somewhat of an equal to Lance. They were both fighter pilots, both with the same goal in mind. They didn't have the engineering experience of Pidge and Hunk, the Altean technology and culture like Allura and Coran, not even the knowledge that Shiro had built from his mission. No, they been different from the others and Lance had foolishly grouped them together

To make matters worse… when Keith had been he leader, and lane his right hand man, someone he could depend on and trust to guide him. More than just equals, they'd been partners. It felt like they were getting somewhere, Lance had felt important to the team, to Keith, important to the team.

And then it all collapsed.

They hadn't had any time to talk since. Now, stranded here they had all the time in the world but… it was like some kind of twisted joke. Lance could resolve his issues all he wanted… but it was with a completely different Keith. A Keith for whom these arguments and events had been years ago, not jus tin the recent months like for Lance. Where everything still stung for Lance, Keith had probably had more than enough time to heal and move on. This was a Keith with a different personality and mindset, one evolved by two years whereas Lance was still stuck in his childish psyche.

Just what had happened in two years?

“Not to steal your line but you’re looking a little emo over there.”

Lance looks up in surprise. “Oh, hey.”

Keith sat across him at the table, face scrunched up in concern. Had Lance been sitting here the whole day? He hadn't even noticed. “I feel like I crossed a line somewhere, you're kind of distant all of a sudden. Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing.” Lance replied quickly, on edge from the sudden questioning. He knew he hadn't been all that engaged in the past few hours but he hadn't expected Keith to pick up on it. The old Keith probably wouldn't have. “Don't worry about it.”

Keith still looked quite worried about it. It made Lance feel strange, he didn't quite understand him. A part of him was sort of happy at the idea of Keith paying so much attention to him, but the other part wanted him to stop immediately, to let Lance suppress and hide away. As usual, Lance didn't want to dwell on it.

“You think we’ll find much out here?” Lance asked quickly, trying to change the subject. “I know we have a lot of supplies between us and those things haven't appeared in a while but… i still wonder if this planet is truly deserted.”

Keith sighed. Whether it was at Lance or their situation, Lance didn't know but he could guess. “Not sure, but it's okay; I’ve made do with worse.”

“Yeah… “

it was that same bigger wrenching. Lance knew he shouldn't start something again, not after Keith had shut him down earlier but he couldn't help it. The panic and the urge to just confront all his feelings was rising, suffocating him as it did so.

“You haven’t complained even a little. Aren’t you worried?” lance asked. Keith expression immediately froze over, becoming more guarded and icy.

“Lance,” he began slowly. “I already told you, I’ve gotten out of worse.” the bitter wrenching became more of a deep stabbing pain, twisting in his gut.

“You can still be worried.” Lance insisted.

“I don’t need to be.” Keith deadpanned.

“Of course, our fearless leader Keith. Ever so I bothered and headstrong.”

“Lance, look. It’s only been a few days at most, there’s no reason to lose hope yet.”

Lance froze, almost physically recoiling back from the conversation and pressing hard against the wall behind him. That was weird. That was definitely weird, hearing a sentence like that from Keith’s mouth. It was like they'd swapped parts. Lance had always been the one to make comments like when Keith and the rest of the team were down and now... what a pitiful role reversal. This was definitely a changed Keith, maybe even also a changed Lance.

“Okay, you're definitely acting strange.” Keith said leaning forward. Any coldness had dropped from his face as he looked at Lance, lines of worry etched into his skin. “Please talk to me Lance.”

Lance wanted to avoid this, to make some sort of excuse but one look at Keith’s face and those thoughts fade away, replaced with immense guilt. Right. He wasn't here alone. Because of him Keith was stuck here too and all he’d done so far were make things all the more difficult for him.

What happened to the Lance who promised he’d get Keith out of here? Who said he’d confront his messed up feelings?

“Please, Lance,” Keith repeated, desperation tinging his words. “You’re suddenly acting so weird with me and I don’t like it. Please tell me whats wrong.”

And here Keith was, getting himself all worked up because Lance as too emotional. It was pathetic. He had to be better than this. He said he’d be better than this.

“I don’t even know where to begin.” Lance managed to choke out.

“Anywhere.” Keith said, leaning back slightly but still staring at him intensely. “Start anywhere, I don't mind.”

“Two years.” Lance blurted out before he could stop himself. Keith tilted his head to the side slightly in confusion, expression asking him to expand. Lance felt at a loss for words, the emotions swirling inside him so violently without him being able to extract a particular one out.

“Carry on,” Keith said. “We need to talk about this. We have no idea how long we’ll both be here we can’t keep avoiding talking about our issues. Not to mention we’re _teammates_ , we should-”

“See! That's the thing!” Lance exclaimed, starling Keith and cutting him off. Lance was just as surprised at his own outburst but it seemed like a thought had finally managed to manifest into words and now he couldn't stop the outflow. “We were teammates but it never felt like that before, it never felt like you cared. It didn't feel like you trusted me, or even enjoyed being around me it was just like we were colleagues, never a real team. Or it sort of did at the end… it did begin to feel like more… but then you left again without saying much and it felt like everything we’d been building together was for naught.”

Now it was Keith’s turn to be caught off guard, completely speechless. Keith opened his mouth to say something before abruptly closing it shut again, pausing on his words. Lance gave him a quizzical stare, eyes narrowing as he watched Keith grimace slightly, worriedly biting his lip.

“I didn't realise you felt like that,” Keith said eventually. He sounded so despairing, so despondent that any anger Lance had felt immediately dissipated.

“No, I’m sorry, I was being selfish.” Lance said. “I know you reasons for doing what you did and they were always for the better of everyone else. Your ability to prioritise the mission is one of the things i admire most about you but… it still stung.”

Keith was silent, gaze looking down at his hands clasped on the table between them. Lance felt guilty again for overloading on keith like this. He already was so burdened as their leader and Lance just kept forcing more and more on him… but it felt kind of good. Lance had never said any of these things out loud, barely admitted his own feelings to himself. He’d always supressed and ignored, either too busy or too afraid to fully dwell on his emotions.

It felt so good to get them out.

“I admit, I didn't always think of us as a team,” Keith began, voice low and almost shaky. Lance’s full attention was immediately on him, surprised by his tone. Keith sounded so… confessional. So vulnerable, in a way Lance had never seen him before. “I’d always seen myself as a soldier, and every soldier has their part. That's all i was ever trying to do; my part. But then… but then i got stranded somewhere for two years with my mother who I’d always thought was dead. Suddenly i was faced with… with so much. I was no longer a soldier when I was there, i had nothing to keep myself distracted and so I was forced to really consider was I was left with.”

Lance could tell Keith was struggling, his voice was shaking now. Lance felt awful, so awful. He wanted to make Keith stop, to tell him it was okay he didn't need to relive all of that again but he couldn't find his voice, too focused on Keith entirely.

“Krolia made me recall a lot of our adventures as stories to her.” Keith continued. “At first I was reluctant but then after a while it was all i could do, just desperately try to relive my everyday with you guys because I… I missed it so much. And what was worse was when I realised how little I had to tell… how absent I was all the time and how little I actually knew about all of you despite spending months together.” His voice trailed off to barely over a whisper. Lance wasn't even sure if he heard his last few words correctly. “And then, I was so scared I’d forget all of you.”

Oh. Lance was once against faced by the reality of his situation, of how selfish he was being. Keith had suffered through so much and Lance was still finding a way to make it all about himself. The way he was acting it was as if _he_ was the one who’d lost two years of his life. It wasn't as it was his family or a close friend either… but it sort of felt like it had been. But Keith wasn't close…

No, Lance knew he had to stop lying to himself. He cared about Keith. It was painfully evident. That wasn’t something to be embarrassed about. Keith was a teammate, part of the odd little family they’d formed up here. Lance felt just as anguished as he would’ve if his sister had been the one in Keith’s place.

No, it was more than that. That didn't explain the bitterness Lance had felt, the intense hatred. He’d felt so angry, so…so… what was it?   _betrayed_ . He didn't even know why. He had no reason to, no _right_ to. This didn’t involve him. Yet for some reason he felt cheated. Cheated out of what? Keith's _time_?

Oh.

Yeah. Yeah… that was it. Lance felt cheated that he hadn’t been able to be there, that he’d missed out on two years of Keith’s life.

Suddenly all the anger and bitterness he’d felt earlier melted into a heavy sadness sadness.

Oh… thats what it was. It was a mix of jealousy and betrayal, he had _wanted_ those two years with Keith, to get to know him.

What the fuck.

“Sorry, please continue.” Keith said after a few moments, voice steady. “I want to get everything out in the open.”

“I know I said it already Keith but… you’re so different. _So_ different. I don't know why but I just can’t get over it.” Lance said after a few minutes, voice shaky. “It feels like you’re a completely different person… like I don't even know you.” Keith’s eyes widened slightly but he kept the rest of his demeanour composed, still watching Lance patiently. When Lance didn't say anything more he sighed, closing his eyes for a few moments. Lance felt the guilt swirling around his gut. Had he said too much? Overstepped?

“You’ve changed too Lance.”  Keith said after a while. Lance stilled. It was amazing that Keith still managed to surprise him with his observations. He couldn't read Keith’s expression at all like this, it was completely impassive, eyes clear and voice steady  “You’re different from what I remember.”

Lance didn't know why but he suddenly felt the need to defend himself. Lance knew he didn't have the right to feel insulted after he’d gone in at Keith like that but still… Keith had no idea what Lance had been through. He didn't know enough to judge him. “Your memories of me were from two years ago,” Lance replied. “I don’t think they’d be that great to go off of.”

“No, I remember you clearly,” Keith said. “You’re one of the few people I probably couldn't forget if I tried and the way you’ve been acting in the last few weeks… I don’t know what you’ve been through but its definitely changed you."

Keith was too close, way too fucking close to what Lance had been internalising all this time. How did he do that? How did he notice every little detail? He had Lance made out completely, skinned and displayed out in the open, nothing hidden from Keith.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Lance defended weakly. Keith didn't buy it for a second.

“You don’t talk as much as you used to.” Keith continued, pressing further. “You never make your jokes or comments anymore and when you do they feel half-assed.”

_How did he notice these things?!_

“I can do more than just be loud and annoying.”

“That's not what I mean and you know it.” Keith said. Lance squirmed under his intense gaze. Then Keith fell back, intensity evaporating in seconds. He looked more hesitant all of a sudden, almost sheepish. “It's one of the things I missed the most. You had a way of always saying what everyone needed to hear the most when they didn't even realise it themselves. I really could have used that in my two years.”

Lance almost broke, almost fell apart and admitted everything to Keith right then are there. He almost said everything he’d been through over the last few months, the disconnect, the numbness, the _dying_. But then at the last minute, he froze.

“You know,” Keith continued, a bitter smile on his face. “I think I took a page out of your own book. The joking around and not admitting what I was going through. That's how I cope with what I went through.”

Instead of what he wanted to say the most, Lance said something else, something stupid.

“You’ve been gone so long Keith. You don’t know me anymore. This is just how I am.”

“I don’t think I quite believe that.” Keith said softly. “Lance, I feel like we’re constantly flitting in and out on different frequencies, always on different highs and lows.” Keith wasn't wrong. Ever since they had landed here it felt like they’d been passing a baton between them, each of them getting overly emotional and repressed over something the other was clueless about, resolving the issue only to then repeat. “I want us to be on the same page. I hope we get out soon but in case we don't… we need to be able to talk to each other.”

Keith was looking at him expectantly, waiting for his answer. Lance didn't know what to say. He didn't want to hide anything from Keith, not that we was very good at that in the first place, but he just couldn't bring himself to burden Keith with his issues.

But internalising wasn't helping either. All Lance ended up doing was building his collection of emotional trauma, piling it up high until he was inevitably crushed by the weight, indirectly adding more onto Keith’s problems. Lance wasn't of any help in his current way. Maybe it would be better to do as Keith said.

And Keith looked so desperate, like he genuinely wanted to be open with Lance and understand what he was going through. Maybe also to have Lance understand him.

“Okay.” Lance said after a few moments. “Talking, I can do that. We can do that.”

“So we’re good?” Keith asked, leaning forward.

“Getting there.”

Keith smiled. “Okay. I want us to get there.”

Lance did too. He really did too. “It’ll take time. I don't think I’ve even scraped the surface of all of my issues.”

Keith’s smile widened. “Good, me too. It's a good thing we’ve got all this time.”

“Yeah, it's a good thing we do.”

Keith had a wall down. Lance hadn't been so sure about it before when they were with the others, but he realised it now. That was one of the reasons he'd felt so weird around Keith. He was less guarded now, more open and sincere. That was all so unlike Keith as Lance had known him that it threw him off completely. Maybe Lance had been the one at fault, a bit naive and jumped to the gun. Maybe Keith wasn't a different person at all, he was just more of the same. A more open, accessible version of the old Keith.

“It’s been weird since we got onto this planet,” Keith said, looking at Lance. “largely my fault. Its like… theres just a lot we’ve both been through, and a lot thats been unresolved between us. I’ve been gone so long and now we’re on different timelines… it's completely understandable but still,” now Keith was looking at him dead straight in the eyes. It was intimidating for sure, lance suddenly felt a little strained for breath. “I don't want us to be distant with each other. I've really thought about the team and how i behave with all of you guys and i don't want to hide things from any of you. You especially. I want to know you.

Lance blanched. “Me? Did I do something…?”

Keith froze, eyes widening in panic. “Oh uh yeah, yeah!” he blurted. “Wait, no, sorry I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was that we’re so similar… like I don't know... it's just that when I group the team in my head it's always sort of Hunk and Pidge with their expertise, the others in their coalition knowledge… and then us.” Keith was definitely blushing. “I don't know I know it sounds stupid I’m sorry-”

“No, I kind of get it.” Lance cut him off, ignoring the heat rising to his own cheeks. It was eerily similar to how he’d grouped them together too. It was kind of touching to know that Keith felt the same way. “I kind of do the same.”

“Oh.” Keith replied. “Well, yeah, because of that I kind of feel like I want to be closer to you more than anyone else.” Keith said with a smile. The surprise on Lance's face must have been apparent because the smile then fell off of Keith's face. “Because we’re partners.” Keith quickly added, face flushed. Lance chose not to dwell on it, nor on the fact that his face probably looked the same.

“I didn’t realise you thought so highly of me.” Lance teased, trying to calm down his racing heartbeat.

“Yeah?” Keith said teasingly, relaxing back on his seat. "Must be a tall guy thing; all of our thoughts just reign higher."

Lance's jaw dropped to the floor in shock. There was no way... out of all the possible responses he'd been expecting... for Keith to come at him like  _this_...

 _"Fuck you."_  he hissed, still absolutely floored by Keith's attack. Keith grinned.

 

* * *

 

Time passed quickly for Lance and before he knew it it was their nighttime again. It was a less painful passing though, less bitter. Instead of hours going disappearing in front Lance throughout which he was disengaged and disconnected, they slipped through his fingers as he chased them, fully awake and present. It was like laying a blanket over his mind and suppressing all other thoughts, he was content. He still wasn't happy, but he was content, and for the first time in a while he was just a little bit hopeful.

He didn't know when they’d get off this planet but as Keith kept reminding him they had no need to worry. Keith for some god forsaken reason trusted in Lance, Lance just had to learn to trust more in himself.

So they’d get through this, he was sure now. But there was still a little part of him squirming under the blanket he’d laid over his mind. A part that refused to rest, twisting and writhing inside. He was worried about something and he wasn't sure what. It was that same feeling of apprehension that accompanied him after every dream, something primitive and carnal that he didn't have the words to describe..

“Hey, Lance! Cut it out.” Keith’s voice snapped up Lance’s attention, drawing his focus to his figure out in front. They were outside of the black lion. "What did I tell you about getting distant? Stop thinking so much, you'll hurt yourself."

Lance huffed in indignance. “I was watching...” he lied. Keith rolled his eyes and resumed his training with his marmora blade. It was a type of movement Lance hadn't seen him do before, one of shorter movement that seemed to center entirely around his blade. Keith hadn’t been exaggerating when he said Krolia had been training him all this while. “You haven't gotten sloppy in the past two years, I’m impressed.”

Keith paused for a moment, looking Lance over warily from the corner of his eyes. “Was that a compliment from the great Lance McClain?” Lance narrowed his eyes and scoffed, eliciting a snort from Keith who’d resumed his practice. "Never thought I'd live to see this level of emotional growth from you."

“I am capable of growth; fuck you.”

“Says the guy shorter than me.”

“That was a low fucking blow Kogane.” Lance growled. Keith tilted his head to the side feigning innocence, all whilst the beginnings of a grin played at the corners of his mouth. Lance sighed as a familiar bubbling started in his stomach as it usually did when Keith played around like this.

“I have to play lower so that you can reach.”

“Don’t make me come over there and kick your ass.” Lance shouted, an empty threat they both knew. Lance was working just as hard to hide a similar grin.

Keith came over and sat by him, reaching out to stoke the fire on the ground in front where they’d been heating some of their food. “I could teach you, you know.”

“How to grow?” Lance said with a snort. “No offence, Keith, but I don’t think your brand of sheer willpower is gonna cut it.”

“No, dumbass, how to fight with your sword. I already said I would.”

Lance stilled. “Oh yeah. You still mean it?”

“I mean… we've already establish that you _could_ use the help.”

“Hey!” Lance exclaimed in indignation. “I’ll have you know, I bet I could out shoot you any day! No, wait, scratch that.” Lance cut himself off with a dramatic sigh. “You’re probably great with all kinds of guns.” Keith didn't reply. Lance looked over at him to find Keith staring at him with a sort of funny expression. There was too much silence, Lance felt the need to cut it suddenly. “You’re from Texas after all, aren't you?”

That seemed to snap Keith out of it. “Dumbass.” was all Keith replied, huffing and turning away from the fire.

Lance shivered; it was suddenly cold out. Lance supposed he hadn't noticed it before when he’d been wearing his armour but now it was apparent. He wasn't sure what was lighting up the sky in the strange hues it held but it sure wasn't a sun.

Lance felt a movement by his side. He turned to see Keith shacking off his jacket, bunching it up to then toss it into Lance's lap. 

“What?” Lance blurted, looking down at the red jacket in his lap. “Why are you giving me your jacket?”

“You said you were cold.” Keith mumbled. Lance looked at him only to find Keith crouching forward, face out of view as he worked with the fire.

“Yeah but I can get a blanket.”

“Those are inside. And besides, this will fit you better. You’ll be warmer.”

Lance felt another shiver run down his spine. He relented and put the jacket on, relinquishing in the sudden warmth the flooded his body.

“Won't you feel cold?” Lance asked.

Keith shook his head, lifting a cover from the side and putting it over the fire, starving the flames. He lifted it after a few seconds, poking the last few glowing bits with a rod. “No.”

Lance scoffed. Keith was somehow able to go from long monologues to the most simple conversation closers in a matter of seconds. He supposed he’d need to get used to this. “You’re really something, Keith.”

At that Keith turned around with a small smile, standing up and shaking his pants. He held a hand out to Lance who in turn stared at it in question.

“Its nearing our nighttime. Let's go in.”

Lance felt heat rush up to his face - Keith must’ve been right about the jacket - but reached out to grab Keith’s hand, letting himself be pulled up. They packed up and Keith helped him back into the lion and over to his bed. Lance didn't protest; he had no reason to. As somewhat embarrassing as it still was to have to have Keith assist him, he knew where Keith was coming from now and found that it didn't hurt him as much as before.

Needless to say Lance had a lot from the day to think about. He went to bed feeling both lighter and heavier than ever. God, what was in this jacket? It was so inexplicably warm for cropped leather. Must be the leather… hmm… that's why Lance was heating up all of a sudden, a seemingly permanent flush on his face rom the moment. So he let himself lay back on his makeshift bed, gut swirling with a bubbling warmth and a small smile on his face.

There was still a feeling of worry, of apprehension at something to come. But Lance couldn't find it in himself to dwell on it, not after today, so he decided to set it aside for another day. Besides, they had time.

**Author's Note:**

> more fluff n plot to come!!!! so many good lance things in the next chap heh. only 2 chapters because more would be tedious. i have the next mostly written up i just knew if I didn't post before season 8.... i might never post haha. optimistic klancers pls find me..... i might not make it. . ... 
> 
> pls talk to me on twitter (@booseungkwn) or tumblr (@starwar) to save me from being a dumb bitch and fallin back into my depression tx !
> 
> also, will people still be reading klance fics after s8??? i hope so bc i have so many more to write!!!! im nervous this fandom will die out tx to the heavy uh discourse w the show. but like this ship and the characters are still so important to me. i really dont want it to end.


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